HiKues (haiku)
 

A new HiKue is   unveiled each weekday at

Doing art we share
  and are fulfilled, loving both
neighbors and ourselves.  4/10/00

One of the best things
  about painting full-time— it’s
easy to stay thin.  4/13/00

An artist’s status—
  somewhere between god and bum,
nearer the latter.  4/14/00

Selling poetry
  beats therapy— you pay me
not vice versa.  4/17/00

If artists are so
  great, why have they paucity
of money or love.  4/19/00

If everyone says
  they like your art, it could be
a cause for concern.  4/24/00

What’s the difference
  between a crackpot and a
genius? Credentials.  4/29/00

Getting old. Only
  way I could fill a cradle
would be to rob one.  5/6/00

Art is measured in
  content, style is after all
a mere cosmetic.  5/12/00

It’s Spring. If only
  the bank balance would grow half
as fast as the grass.  5/16/00

Years ago you could
  reserve a trip to the moon.
Now just the dead go.  5/17/00

What do women want?
  At losethatloser.com,
a sugar daddy!  5/22/00

Ninety-nine ninety-
  nine-percent-firm commitments,
ninety-nine no-shows.  5/23/00

If reality
  becomes objectionable,
just create your own.  5/24/00

On the internet
  no one knows every basic,
we’re all beginners.  5/25/00

Liqueurs are not a
  cost-effective buzz— unless
you’re out of whiskey.  5/30/00

The fridge is always
  too full yet there’s still never
anything to eat.  5/31/00

Blind dates are called that
  because they’re the one time you
sometimes wish you were.  6/1/00

What canine-lovers
  and gigolos must both know—
how to pet a dog.  6/2/00

If the warranty
  will end before the payments,
think before you buy.  6/5/00

How to paint full-time—
  don’t try to earn what you need,
live on what you earn.  6/6/00

I’m dotcom, so folks
  think I’ve a portfolio.
I do— pawn tickets.  6/7/00

I don’t have a fat
  wallet but my ego more
than makes up for it.  6/8/00

The next-worse thing to
  the toilet overflowing
is the dishwasher.  6/9/00

If you’re healthy and
  doing your bliss, forgive the
world anything.  6/12/00

Borrowing defers
  income taxes— trouble is
you owe two uncles.  6/13/00

A sure way to swear
  off popcorn— use the popcorn
bowl to soak your feet.  6/14/00

Have neither toolbox
  nor riches— if a woman
likes me she likes me.  6/15/00

One gal says I want
  a woman who’d worship me.
That would be a start.  6/16/00

One addiction that
  I’ve never been accused of—
workaholism.  6/19/00

To win at craps just
  play the line, take full odds, and
of course get lucky.  6/20/00

I’m constantly asked,
  “What about oil paint fumes?”
They save on whiskey.  6/21/00

Working in movies
  is more real than much of life,
including dating.  6/22/00

Successful children
  are greater masterpieces
than the best paintings.  6/23/00

Learn how to live broke
  and no make-or-break critic
will ever scare you.  6/26/00

The highest reason
  is knowing when it’s okay
to suspend reason.  6/27/00

Be famous enough
  to be wanted, scarce enough
to be undisturbed.  6/28/00

Everyone’s income
  is always a little shy
of comfortable.  6/29/00

Debtor’s recompense—
  being loved for who you are,
not for what you have.  6/30/00

My house’s leanings
  do not dismay me, flaunting
its timeless handcraft.  7/3/00

Appreciation
  of other peoples, besides
tolerance, builds peace.  7/4/00

Artists must piddle.
  Once you start cranking, it’s not
art, it’s industry.  7/5/00

To get an outdoor
  kitchen, just tear the roof off
of your indoor one.  7/6/00

Always-alone’s too
  hard, every artist should have
one or more lovers.  7/7/00

Rather do something
  enjoyed with three women than
something not with four.  7/10/00

Good thing success brings
  wealth— having many lovers
can get expensive.  7/11/00

One war few single
  guys mind being drafted for—
fighting off women.  7/12/00

Too many lovers
  too little time, the perfect
vanity license.  7/13/00

No guy really wants
  to be loved by all women— 
that’s three billion strong.  7/14/00

It would be my luck,
  if I were a woman, to
find no guy like me.  7/17/00

Who knows whether you’ll
  find the lover of your dreams
or of your nightmares.  7/18/00

Great if you never
  grow up— better too long than
too short a childhood.  7/19/00

Lesser looks may not
  be that bad, oft inspiring
compensating wit.  7/20/00

Give a big dreamer
  the internet, and all you
need is an iceberg.  7/21/00

The net’s a billion-
  page library. Show me one
rich librarian.  7/24/00

Those affiliate
  programs— here’s this guy in church
praying for click-throughs.  7/25/00

You aren’t really broke
  till you’re out of both money
and toilet paper.  7/26/00

Seems that as soon as
  shoes get comfortable they
start falling apart.  7/27/00

Fuller your closet
  gets, the harder it is to
find something to wear.  7/28/00

One word best describes
  passion for writing haiku—
claustrophilia.  7/31/00

Why is it that when
  the toilet overflows it’s
always number two.  8/1/00

From my publisher
  I seldom fear rejection,
because I am him.  8/2/00

My first chapbook is
  out of print and hard to find—
the way I like it.  8/3/00

The money is gone,
  so until I can rustle
some up, so am I.  8/4/00

It’s better to be
  poor and feel rich than the
other way around.  10/3/00

Like the camel’s back,
  that last straw of junk mail
will someday break mine.  10/18/00

Not every guy can
  be gay, some of us have to
put up with women.  12/11/00

Debt is like being
  in jail, except you have to
cook your own meals.  1/7/01

If the devil had
  made the women in this town
they’d be no different.  1/18/01

Misogyny— yuck!
  I’m going to like women,
much as I hate them.  1/18/01

I may have met her
  but probably not, somewhere
walks my love-to-be.  1/22/01

The web is perfect
  for artists— they’re already
used to being poor.  1/25/01

If a woman speaks
  ill of men, it just means that
she hasn’t met me.  2/9/01

Must get my fifteen
  minutes of fame and fall in
love during that time.  2/15/01

Why’s it taken me
  so long to succeed? There’s no
woman behind me!  2/16/01

Solid myth-building
  can’t make average art good, but
can make good art great.  2/19/01

I love the net— it’s
  the wild West, only without
dust or six-shooters.  2/20/01

There’s a girl I like,
  but her boyfriend’s initials
aren’t the same as mine.  2/21/01

Only way someone
  could have just one orgasm—
it causes his death.  2/22/01

There’s one thing you must
  have in order to get out
of debt— an income.  2/23/01

Some moms are so young
  I could almost cradle-rob
myself a granny.  2/26/01

How do lesbians
  manage to date? There’s no one
to pick up the check.  2/27/01

Outwit chain-wishes
  by wishing to receive more,
then not forwarding.  2/28/01

Lucrative you say?
  I can figure out how to
go broke doing it.  3/1/01

One good thing about
  my old furnace— it’s only
noisy when it runs.  3/2/01

If a woman is
  friendly she’s either married
or selling something.  3/5/01

But if a man is
  friendly he’s either selling
something or he’s single.  

I’m generous with
  what I have, which means I’m not
very generous.  3/6/01

Shooting deer doesn’t
  excite me— shooting bull, that’s
another matter.  3/7/01

The only way to
  avoid disappointment in
love is not to love.  3/8/01

Tornados favor
  trailer parks as misfortune
favors poverty.  3/9/01

If there’s a month you
  don’t want to be destitute,
it’s January.  3/12/01

Yes objects can talk!
  A bottle of bourbon called
out for me all day.  3/13/01

Creativity’s
  usually ill-paid— unlike
the vanity press.  3/14/01

We want a lover
  but need a housekeeper, cook,
cleaner, and concierge.  3/15/01

Why pine for old-time
  religion? You wouldn’t want
old-time medicine.  3/16/01

There’s always cause for
  hope if the whiskey bottle
is at least half-full.  3/19/01

A chance you take with
  bondage photo shoot— model
wants to tie the knot.  3/20/01

Were my name Johnson
  I’d build a dungeon— Master
Johnson’s sex clinic!  3/21/01

Are those who are too
  generous insecure or
overly secure?  3/22/01

Some say they’d like not
  having to make decisions.
Give up shopping eh?  3/23/01

If all gals you ask
  out can’t because of laundry,
think celibacy.  3/26/01

You know you’ve given
  up cooking once all your pots
become foot-soakers.  3/27/01

We suffer it seems
  from information overload,
while starved for wisdom.  3/28/01

Woody’s film slogan—
  The most color you’ll ever
see in black and white.  3/29/01

I can make people
  cry— not over my writing,
over my love life.  3/30/01

Jogging’s my only
  health insurance, whiskey’s my
only medicine.  4/2/01

Slavery is still
  legal, and it’s even a
four-letter word— debt.  4/3/01

If a woman can’t
  throw herself at my feet she
could return my calls.  4/4/01

“Mr. End, here’s your
  brother. I insist that you
talk.” —Making Ends Meet.  4/5/01

Okay, taxes are
  necessary. But changing
clocks? Give us a break.  4/6/01

Everyone’s giving
  me appliances, so no
need getting married.  4/9/01

Women aren’t lacking
  in smarts— testosterone drive
is the deficit.  4/10/01

If you set your sights
  high, you might get everything—
or perhaps nothing.  4/11/01

The fact that no one
  can understand you doesn’t
mean you’re a genius.  4/12/01

What do women want?
  No more or no less than what
men want— everything.  4/13/01

A friend described what
  he calls a fast. I call it
being an artist.  4/16/01

Religion transcends
  ideas— if you can’t feel
it, what good is it.  4/17/01

Drawback of being
  visual artist— musicians
get all the women.  4/18/01

Storms aren’t nearly as
  romantic when your roof has
some missing shingles.  4/19/01

I don’t mind being
  poor— it’s the alternative,
being broke, I hate.  4/20/01

You may not feel old
  until you get a doctor
who’s younger than you.  4/23/01

Know your ego’s big
  but not what to do about
it? Just start dating.  4/24/01

I’m so-so in bed—
  not for want of talent, but
for want of practice.  4/25/01

Just survive women
  in this town and you’ll be a
stud anywhere else.  4/26/01

Drawback of being
  sex symbol— wondering if
you’re prize or person.  4/27/01

Despite the drawbacks
  of being a sex symbol,
I’d like to try it.  4/30/01

Discovered Art Bell
  tonight— I feel so at home
it must say something.  5/1/01

Why is it crackpots
  are disparaged? At worst they’re
imaginative.  5/2/01

Psychologists who
  think clowns are disturbed people
are just envious.  5/3/01

Some of my HiKues
  have import, others are just
dogs playing poker.  5/4/01

After all is said
  and done it’s obvious that
more was said than done.  5/7/01

Why fall for actors
  when what they are best at is
being someone else.  5/8/01

Instead of blue dogs
  I’ll paint orange dogs; there’ll be Orange
Dog Republicans.  5/9/01

Often it’s harder
  to exit an affair than
to be dumped yourself.  5/10/01

Broadband is being
  piped through sewers. What does that
say about content?  5/11/01

I’ve always wondered
  what was meant by “a man’s man”—
they never seem gay.  5/14/01

Chain letters should be
  legalized— affordable
MLM lessons.  5/15/01

I’ve loved a lot of
  women but there’s nothing like
doing it yourself.  5/16/01

I’m easy to get
  along with once everyone
learns to worship me.  5/17/01

Busiest cabinet
  in many homes is surely
the liquor cabinet.  5/18/01

I hope I make my
  second million faster than
I’m making my first.  5/21/01

If you can’t admit
  you’re a little crazy you’re
not of this world.  5/23/01

Find a good woman,
  let chemistry do the rest.
Why is that so hard?  5/24/01

Misogyny Test—
  If a man can’t hate women
how can he love them?  5/25/01

Honor smokers, they
  keep Social Security
from going bankrupt.  5/29/01

Dandelions come—
  why hate the pretty yellows?
Days later we know.  5/30/01

Riddle: What’s the name
  of Colonel Sander’s secret
jam? —K.Y. Jelly.  5/31/01

Why’s it that when smart
  people talk about smarts they
don’t seem all that smart.  6/1/01

If the medium’s
  the message the messenger
is incompetent.  6/4/01

Though I feel I could
  love every woman I can’t
love any woman.  6/5/01

At a bar you can
  drink, dance, or shoot pool, just one
of which I’m good at.  6/6/01

Antiques turn back time—
  virtual reality
without computers.  6/7/01

I’m not giving up
  on women— monastery
no, Bangkok maybe.  6/8/01

There are women I’m
  attracted to and other
women who like me.  6/12/01

Women are at least
  as hard to like as they are
easy to look at.  6/13/01

Okay I’ll admit
  it’s better to incur debt
than starve, but not much.  6/14/01

What I’ve learned so far—
  life is too short to waste time
on meaningless jobs.  6/15/01

Any friend who won’t
  find time for you is really
just an acquaintance.  6/18/01

Everyone other
  than Bill Gates is not Bill Gates.
Ponder that awhile.  6/19/01

The only thing more
  fun than a catfight is one
that’s fought over me.  6/20/01

How to make money
  on the net— get paid to build
someone else’s site.  6/21/01

Publicity brought
  me only money offers
from Nigeria.  6/22/01

There are times I think
  dating isn’t difficult,
it’s impossible.  6/25/01

Salon personals
  call it self-love— what a nice
change from self-abuse.  6/26/01

Superstition test—
  do you think you could sit in
a chair Hitler used?  6/27/01

Nothing new about
  virtual reality, it’s
what you dream at night.  6/28/01

How to make money
  on the net— sell “How to Make
Money on the Net.”  6/29/01

You’ve heard it before,
  I’m just a man trapped in a
lesbian’s body.  7/2/01

There are times when what
  you’re rescued to is worse than
what you’re rescued from.  7/4/01

My worst nightmare would
  be finding I have nothing
to eat but lettuce.  7/5/01

If there’s only one
  other car on the road you
know that it’s a cop.  7/6/01

Too many parties?
  May be time to take a break
from taking a break.  7/9/01

It is possible
  for men and women to be
friends— but not for long.  7/10/01

The thrill of the chase,
  yuck— I’d rather just line them
up and take my pick.  7/11/01

Wonder why same-sex
  acquaintances don’t like you?
How ’bout jealousy.  7/12/01

Why do some women
  only date rich guys? Perceived
cultural pressure.  7/13/01

A friend brought me a
  big can of potato sticks—
no intent to kill.  7/16/01

I’m not trying to
  be misogynistic, I’m
just telling the truth.  7/17/01

I’m glad when I’m sad
  about love— it means I’m not
sad because I’m broke.  7/18/01

Women have to scrounge
  for money, guys have to scrounge
for love and money.  7/19/01

Ready for action—
  coffee in one hand, bourbon
on rocks in other.  7/20/01

Why is it in a
  blue town you’re always out of
whiskey on Sunday?  7/23/01

Keeping alive my
  faith is the hope that women
elsewhere are different.  7/24/01

Work hard enough to
  earn it and you’d feel more like
slave than millionaire.  7/25/01

Women around here
  look great outside, I’m glad I
can’t see what’s inside.  7/26/01

Oprah remembers
  falling in love, staying up
all night talking. Wow!  7/27/01

Loneliness is when
  the one call you get’s from the
person you’re dumping.  7/30/01

Misogynists don’t
  enjoy disgust, they more than
any want to love.  7/31/01

Homeowner tired
  after work but— putter fix-
up putter fix-up...  8/1/01

Wouldn’t want to pay
  for S or M— unless she’s
modeling for me.  8/2/01

While I’m master
  of many domains I’m not
master of my own.  8/3/01

Heard that guys my age
  who’ve never married almost
surely won’t. Bummer!  8/6/01

I can’t rue staying
  single— if there’s a nag out
there she’s a-lookin’.  8/7/01

Spend money on a
  woman and you’ll get zilch, spend
time and you’ll get her.  8/8/01

You broke a rule of
  grammar? Words are written for
readers not for rules.  8/9/01

If the customer
  is always right blame men
for women’s failings.  8/10/01

How does anyone
  marry? Once you fall in love
you’re happy single.  8/20/01

Pot must be common,
  women scarce, ’cause weed is all
I’m ever offered.  8/21/01

A jug of whiskey
  is a pleasure, a head of
lettuce an ordeal.  8/22/01

The one thing you can
  count on from single women
is disappointment.  8/24/01

If a guy doesn’t
  hate single women all I
can say is he’s gay.  8/26/01

I like women’s looks,
  not their personalities,
attitudes, or tastes.  8/27/01

It’s tough being an
  ultra-romantic— no one’s
up to my standards.  8/28/01

I’m starting to think
  guys in prison get more love
than guys in this town.  8/29/01

Hardest thing about
  art is fighting off women
in order to work.  8/30/01

Addiction can be
  okay, after all isn’t
love an addiction?  8/31/01

Thinking up Hikues
  requires no effort— they
come when they want to.  9/2/01

My hope for art shows—
  no sleepy red-eyes, nor that
one still-wet painting.  9/3/01

Dotcoms used to be
  worth millions, nowadays they’re
swapped like baseball cards.  9/4/01

Paducah is a
  romantic town but it’s the
wrong kind of romance.  9/5/01

How to fall in love—
  hear my story, then do the
exact opposite.  9/6/01

Someday a model
  and I will exchange glances
and that will be that.  9/7/01

What is the mystique
  of the fifties, a time so
recent yet remote.  9/12/01

What’s impossible
  will become possible, and
then get easier.  9/13/01

No holy places,
  everywhere is; no holy
people, we all are.  9/14/01

Easy to destroy,
  harder to build; easy to
kill, harder to love.  9/20/01

Why is it heroes
  die and cowards live? Reckon
I’ll live forever.  9/22/01

Art isn’t just a
  selfish doing-your-own-thing,
it’s doing something.  9/25/01

Foreign gals are nice—
  the farther from Paducah
they are, the nicer.  9/30/01

If you won’t defend
  having a big head maybe
you should see a shrink.  10/2/01

We don’t acknowledge
  royal privilege unless by
way of virgin birth.  10/4/01

It’s alright to hate
  Hitler’s watercolors, they
weren’t really that great.  10/5/01

This war will be fought
  like the drug war? We gotta
do better than that.  10/6/01

Won’t be long before
  machines do battle for the
fate of humankind.  10/8/01

Problem with adult
  web site design— keeping the
models inline.  10/9/01

For some, dotcoms are
  life or death; for hobbyists,
they’re just Tinkertoys.  10/10/01

If not worrying
  over money, then love; if
not over love, death.  10/11/01

Religion is a
  lot of great truths along with
a lot of great lies.  10/12/01

Singles’ bind— those who
  you least want to meet are the
easiest to meet.  10/13/01

Life doesn’t have to
  be a bitch but can’t argue
with “and then you die.”  10/14/01

Why women are scarce—
  all guys want relationships,
not all women do.  10/16/01

You can’t call yourself
  a gigolo if even
one guy buys your work.  10/17/01

Prayer often works
  (mind over matter) yet I
just pray in foxholes.  10/18/01

I picked a heck of
  a time to wind up broke— of
course I’m always broke.  10/20/01

Most people who hate
  religion want to like it
but expect better.  10/21/01

Honesty’s the key
  to relationships— if you
can fake that you’re in.  10/22/01

I know people think
  that I think I’m smart, but do
they think that I’m smart?  10/23/01

Rejection by an
  inferior really hurts—
that’s why they all do.  10/24/01

I’m looking for a
  young white gal. Everyone is,
even some women.  10/25/01

No wonder geeks can’t
  get dates— their only topic
is how to say "GIF".  10/26/01

How pleasurable
  does something have to be for
it to be outlawed?  10/27/01

You’re not too snooty
  if you’re willing to give a
stranger a jump-start.  10/28/01

Junk e-mails offer
  to reduce debt/ weight, expand
income/ body parts.  10/29/01

Women around here
  are gorgeous on the outside,
less on the inside.  10/30/01

When they call to break
  dates that you haven’t even
made, think Cistercian.  10/31/01

Been so broke I’ve had
  to use my special coffee
for everyday use.  11/1/01

Women’s bodies are
  complex and high-maintenance—
as are their persons.  11/2/01

Ever loved so hard
  you asked, “What are we going
to do about this?”  11/3/01

Prefer cricket to
  engine noise? Sorry, world’s
filling with rednecks.  11/5/01

Everyone wants to
  be understood, no one wants
to be figured out.  11/6/01

A big ego’s fine,
  but if you have to flaunt it
something else is small.  11/7/01

Have humans progressed?
  Our technology can’t find
an Afghan caveman.  11/8/01

Right-line-of-work test—
  Would you stay on if you’d just
won the lottery?  11/9/01

Another day of
  fighting off women and art
buyers— life is great!  11/14/01

What will I do with
  so much love, now that I’ve launched
russianbelles.com?  11/15/01

The further you get
  from home the friendlier the
women seem to be.  11/17/01

Some guys are always
  lucky, some never, which says
what? That it’s not luck.  11/19/01

As many women
  as chase after me, pity
the sexiest guy.  11/21/01

The artist’s life— when
  you’re not scrounging for money
you’re scrounging for love.  11/22/01

If you’re in a deal
  and can’t figure out who the
sucker is, it’s you.  11/24/01

Hermit’s credo— if
  neighbors never visit why
put up with their noise?  11/25/01

Working off debt seems
  fruitless— your money for time,
buying time with time.  11/26/01

The basic fluids
  an artist needs are coffee,
whiskey, and thinner.  11/28/01

Spiritual power
  corrupts both spiritually
and absolutely.  11/29/01

Most pay outrageous
  interest rates rather than beg—
there’s profit in pride.  12/7/01

Does anyone like
  Christmas anymore besides
kids and the merchants?  12/9/01

Emoticons do
  for your email what background
music does for film.  12/10/01

The highest forms of
  eroticism and the
spiritual are one.  12/12/01

The saying “tighten
  your belt” is meaningless when
the next loop is death.  12/13/01

I only dislike
  bad religion, although that
about covers it.  12/14/01

If easy women
  aren’t easy for you, work on
your sense of humor.  12/15/01

Gotten so used to
  the hard life that it’s hard to
’magine another.  12/17/01

If there’s an evil
  possible, eventually
someone will do it.  12/18/01

Nickname for enforced
  political correctness—
McCarthy’s Revenge.  12/19/01

The test of friendship
  is borrowing a tool that
you return broken.  12/22/01

Drinking alone is
  safest— you no more want friends
driving than yourself.  12/25/01

The pressures of time
  and money can be the death
of a happy life.  12/27/01

Some households are one-
  income, some are two-income,
mine is no-income.  12/28/01

As long as there’s gas
  in the tank to make it to
the pawnshop, there’s hope.  12/29/01

I still honestly
  believe I can get any
woman I want. Huh?  1/6/02

Happiness isn’t
  so much euphoria as
domestic comfort.  1/10/02

Russianbelles.com—
  my best shot at happiness
if not side-income.  1/11/02

The day you give up
  hope of finding happiness
is the day you die.  1/12/02

While money can’t buy
  happiness it can increase
odds of finding it.  1/13/02

Happiness is more
  than two souls under a roof,
but that’s all you need.  1/14/02

Seek happiness and
  you may find it, stay at home
and you surely won’t.  1/15/02

As long as you can
  feel lucky, you’re young enough
to find happiness.  1/16/02

Happiness for some
  is but one wife, for others
a harem will do.  1/17/02

Resign all other
  quests before abandoning
hope for happiness.  1/18/02

Happiness is a
  soulmate, though having nothing
in hock is nice too.  1/19/02

Don’t seek happiness
  in clubs, even when lucky
it’s superficial.  1/20/02

A whole lifetime of
  one-nighters can’t touch one night
of true happiness.  1/21/02

He who has yet to
  experience happiness
has yet to be born.  1/22/02

Humor, confidence,
  and looks increase your odds of
finding happiness.  1/23/02

No amount of self-
  love is a substitute for
happiness in love.  1/24/02

In loneliness a
  misfit, in happiness a
creative lover.  1/25/02

If you’ve been even
  one-tenth in love, your only
hope is happiness.  1/26/02

A life shortchanged in
  domestic happiness is
a life that needs change.  1/27/02

As Ryder lost hope
  of happiness he lost hope
of inspiration.  1/28/02

Happiness is a
  lover, a toy chest, and some
imagination.  1/29/02

When you see others
  in happiness be glad for
them, your time will come.  1/30/02

Saudis have oil
  and Mecca too, what more could
king and country want?  2/4/02

First I created
  my own religion, then I
converted to it.  2/5/02

There are people in
  trailers who are happier
than those in mansions.  2/6/02

Few people enjoy
  dating, especially those
who actually are.  2/7/02

My church has but one
  member, me, and there’s a chance
I could get kicked out.  2/8/02

Only way I’d quit
  Woody’s movies is if he
added a laugh track.  2/9/02

An evil lurks, and
  it is a four-letter word—
spelled D-E-B-T.  2/10/02

Resonance of near-
  finished rooms, a portent of
possibility.  2/11/02

It’s never too late
  to turn playboy, just exude
success, charm, and fun.  2/14/02

“A good day?” you ask.
  “Any day I’m still above
ground is a good day.”  2/15/02

There will be normal
  again, maybe normal of
a different kind though.  2/16/02

Convince people that
  your art’s a good investment
by saying art’s not.  2/19/02

You don’t always get
  what you pay for— you might get
more, you might get less.  2/25/02

Thought about career
  change, but what else is really
worth getting up for?  2/26/02

The thing you can trust
  attractive singles to do
is not return calls.  2/28/02

“Hard to be honest
  in this world,” says Rowen.
Isn’t that the truth?  3/1/02

Just registered the
  name idealwives.com,
maybe find a few.  3/5/02

An idea and
  a domain name, all you need
to make your fortune.  3/6/02

Lovers— the more you
  like them the less they like you,
and vice versa.  3/7/02

Divine creation,
  while imperceptible, has
all the time it needs.  3/8/02

Are there any old-
  fashioned women left— you know,
ones who return calls?  3/12/02

Who needs drugs when you
  can go out and enjoy love,
passion, and romance?  3/13/02

Life’s good, but when is
  someone gonna do something
’bout death and taxes?  3/14/02

A few lovers are
  fine, but what to do with a
harem gone amuck?  3/15/02

More you learn the less
  you know— what you didn’t know
that you didn’t know.  3/16/02

I think that it’s no
  coincidence debt and hell
are four-letter words.  3/17/02

Ultimately the
  only thing worth doing in
life is making love.  3/18/02

A single guy might
  as well die as move to some
parts of the country.  3/19/02

When it comes right down
  to it, isn’t religion
a hunger for more?  3/20/02

A headache— which
  to take, aspirin or liquor?
I propose a toast...  3/21/02

Suicides are the
  spiritually-dead helping
their bodies across.  3/22/02

Poverty sounds like
  the good life after a bout
of destitution.  3/23/02

Humankind at its
  best exceeds nature, at its
worst fails nature.  3/26/02

Any day in which
  utilities aren’t off for
nonpayment is good.  3/27/02

In a thousand years
  Google will have our every
thought indexed or cached.  4/4/02

There’s no pleasure in
  waiting out a storm when you
can’t afford a roof.  4/11/02

The future never
  comes— if you’re not happy now,
will you ever be?  4/12/02

Wonder what female
  suicide bombers are up
to with those virgins.  4/13/02

If there’s something more
  elusive than wealth and love,
hope I won’t need it.  4/15/02

Guys must chase women—
  someone has to do something
or nothing happens.  4/17/02

The best women may
  be the world’s least-spoiled—
russianbelles.com.  4/18/02

’Stead of rushin’ a
  Mary, marry a Russian—
russianbelles.com.  4/19/02

Are there cybersquats
  anymore, or nothing left
but bottom feedings?  4/25/02

My yard seems like the
  smallest lot in town— except
when I’m mowing it.  4/30/02

Her ad specifies,
  “Must like kids and animals.”
No problem, she’s both.  5/15/02

We won the Cold War—
  the best victories are those
had without a shot.  5/16/02

Brainy women? The
  name brainywoman.com
wasn’t registered.  5/24/02

Sometimes the best way
  to create panic is to tell
people, “Don’t panic.”  6/6/02

Rebuild Twin Towers
  shorter and terrorists win,
fear’s what they thrive on.  6/7/02

It’s easier to
  love than hate and people are
naturally lazy.  6/8/02

I like smart women
  but also like women who
just think that they are.  6/9/02

If it won’t help the
  human condition or get
you laid, why bother?  6/10/02

A gal who wants me
  to be her father figure
better be that young.  6/11/02

Only problem with
  picking one is denying
yourself to the rest.  6/12/02

You’ll neither get as
  much notice being nice nor
as many lovers.  6/13/02

Religion is like
  love, if you don’t make mistakes
you’re not doing it.  6/14/02

Few poor people are
  afraid of hell because as
poor they’re used to it.  6/15/02

Don’t resist living
  next to a churchyard, the dead
make quiet neighbors.  6/16/02

Hikues are like cash
  flow, they come when they want but
outgo is daily.  6/17/02

The past is over,
  the future is yet to come,
the one time is now.  6/18/02

No one’s liked by all,
  even I’m only liked by
almost everyone.  6/19/02

Devices wear out,
  eventually everything
has a trick to it.  6/20/02

When the poorest folks
  you know are in better shape
than you, you’re hurting.  6/21/02

The difference between
  success and failure really
could hinge on a dime.  6/22/02

If a single guy
  can’t afford a Harley then
at least a guitar.  6/24/02

Art’s a field where
  it seems the harder you work
the poorer you get.  6/27/02

It’s true I’ve never
  really been in love— except
with myself of course.  6/28/02

Dating goal— finding
  someone who’s as playful as
she is beautiful.  6/29/02

If someone owns a
  real gold mine he sells gold,
not the mine itself.  7/6/02

Great lovemaking is
  less a matter of technique
than interaction.  7/13/02

The question of love—
  does your partner really like
doing what you like?  7/15/02

If you’re a single
  guy can there be such thing as
too many women?  7/17/02

The greatest people
  are those who make whoever’s
round them feel great.  7/18/02

Heard that worry makes
  your brain shrink— only then did
I start to worry.  7/19/02

They say the early
  bird gets the worm— guess that means
I’m a little late.  8/4/02

The reflective life
  sounds cool, though I’d rather it
not be celibate.  8/5/02

Why a harem? I
  want them to have to compete
to make me happy.  8/7/02

One who always laughs
  is happy, one who always
smiles is a con.  8/8/02

They used to sex-change
  baby boys if their organs
were small. Whew, close call!  8/9/02

The most expensive
  television set won’t make
the programs better.  8/19/02

Capitalism—
  only a few can get rich
but the rest can paint.  8/20/02

So far everything
  I’ve touched has turned to lead— that
is going to change.  8/21/02

If you lose a lot
  of sleep over unpaid bills
don’t be an artist.  8/22/02

Masochism is
  easier when you’re older,
less pain is needed.  8/23/02

It’s scary when you
  invent a religion and
then convert to it.  8/24/02

I have this theory
  on staying young— alcohol
preserves ligaments.  8/25/02

The only reason
  drugs are a crime problem is
that they’re illegal.  8/26/02

Don’t exaggerate
  how easily you resist
exaggeration.  8/27/02

Poets and dreamers
  know, the bigger your head gets
the poorer you get.  8/28/02

Women aren’t better
  communicators, seldom
returning phone calls.  8/29/02

When they do try to
  communicate, they talk far
more than they listen.

Conciseness over
  wordiness gets listened-to
and comprehended.  8/30/02

When taxes are due
  and the toilet quits working,
life’s at its hardest.  8/31/02

Skeptics may be best
  at ascertaining faith, the
least bit found special.  9/1/02

Everything’s broken
  but I’m happy— I have friends
and I have whiskey.  9/3/02

I’ll date two women
  in one day, provided their
ages total mine.  9/4/02

One advantage of
  being poor— dates that are free
tend to work out best.  9/5/02

Tough learning that no
  guy, not even I, can have
any gal he wants.  9/6/02

Making phone calls, blah!
  I’d as soon skip the courting
and get right to love.  9/7/02

Artist’s Peril— the
  bigger your head becomes the
poorer you become.  9/8/02

Everyone’s looking
  for a diet pill— my own
cooking keeps me thin.  9/9/02

Unitheism
  doesn’t reject the world
but would improve it.  9/10/02

The adage “smart girls
  love dumb guys” must be true ’cause
few of them love me!  9/11/02

If you like free stuff—
  humor, stories, ideas—
be a listener.  9/12/02

Most Christian precepts
  predate Christ— that’s okay, the
copyrights ran out.  9/13/02

“Many women few
  lovers” is better than “few
women no lovers.”  9/14/02

Fifty’s not middle-
  age, it’s fifty-five, and once
I turn that, sixty.  9/15/02

Even if taxes
  were outlawed we’d need them to
pay for enforcement.  9/16/02

If you have to use
  a prostitute how valued
is your lovemaking?  9/17/02

I like to think I
  control art, I’ve no such thoughts
about my ego.  9/18/02

Heard geniuses are
  outcasts— nuts, guess I’m just a
sexual genius.  9/19/02

In a couple weeks
  I’ll have five million dollars—
thanks Nigeria!  9/20/02

If you lack walking-
  around money your walking
will be done on streets.  9/21/02

I’ve finally thought
  of the perfect career for
me— retirement.  9/22/02

If good looking, you
  needn’t worry about some
things, like loneliness.  9/23/02

Don’t know why people
  get married, who wants twice as
many relatives?  9/24/02

Hell is a stack of
  past-due tax forms, heaven is
a clean pair of socks.  9/25/02

As long as there are
  beautiful women around,
life is worth living.  9/26/02

Admire farmers—
  their struggles, physical and
fiscal, are legion.  9/27/02

Admire soldiers—
  they fight, kill, and die in wars
that others declare.  

Admire parents—
  they get us to adulthood
kicking and screaming.  

I resisted all
  phoniness for decades, then
I had to find love.  9/28/02

You’ll catch me in a
  suit and tie only when there’s
dirty work to do.  10/1/02

It’s hard to kick bad
  habits— the one I want to
kick is poverty.  10/2/02

Ninety-nine percent
  of websites lose money, don’t
know about the rest.  10/3/02

Advantage of not
  being rich— easier to
trust other people.  10/4/02

My only worry
  is that my mother worries
about me too much.  10/5/02

Don’t wait to do what
  you want, there is this moment
and there is the grave.  10/6/02

Painters needn’t mourn
  their big heads, musicians have
zeppelin-sized ones.  10/7/02

I’m an expert on
  sex, only trouble is I’m
not that good in bed.  10/8/02

I am not a kink,
  it’s what everyone else does
that is perverted.  10/9/02

Is population
  control a losing battle
against superb sex?  10/10/02

Mateless romantics
  are like symphony ticket-
holders who are deaf.  10/11/02

Neither court failure
  nor fear it— thicker the skin,
stronger the artist.  10/12/02

What best describes the
  search for the shortest domain
names? Extreme haiku.  10/13/02

I have some very
  fine lumber, now all I need
is a fireplace.  10/14/02

Who’s unimportant
  enough to think of himself
as unimportant?  10/15/02

Are you a control
  freak? If no one’s asked you for
advice, you may be.  10/16/02

Erotic pleasure
  is so intense for me, I’m
driven to share it.  10/17/02

One advantage of
  being a man, you know the
truth about women.  

One advantage of
  being single, you know the
truth about women.  10/18/02

One advantage of
  being married, you know the
truth about women.  10/19/02

One advantage of
  being a woman, you know
the truth about men.  

One advantage of
  being single, you find out
the truth about men.  

One advantage of
  being married, you find out
the truth about men.  

I’ve been called just short
  of brilliant. Could any state
be more dangerous?  10/20/02

To make love, women
  need pot, booze, and cigarettes.
Men need a partner.  10/21/02

Not wealth or looks but
  philandery’s the key to
marrying highest.  10/22/02

I know it’s better
  to be broke than dead, but it
seems a small difference.  10/23/02

I’m liking women
  so much now that sometimes I
forget they’re women.  10/24/02

Great words to hear— “Do
  with me as you please, my heart
is in your pocket.”  10/25/02

I don’t know if the
  meek will inherit the earth,
but the poor sure won’t.  10/26/02

Attractive women
  are spoiled by fun, playboys
their only equals.  10/27/02

Attractive men are
  spoiled by fun, playgirls
their only equals.  

There being but one
  elected soldier, much is
expected of him.  10/28/02

You can’t have too big
  an ego if you’re so poor
you can’t enjoy it.  10/29/02

If musicians get
  first choice of women, Harley
owners get second.  10/30/02

To those who complain
  that something is too easy—
life is hard enough!  10/31/02

Slavery’s legal—
  our owners are Discover,
MasterCard, Visa.  11/1/02

I could survive the
  hospital— compared with my
own cooking, it’s fine.  11/6/02

If I didn’t think
  love was in my future I
wouldn’t work as hard.  11/7/02

The one perceived as
  most desired is the one
the most desire.  11/26/02

How do consultants
  survive? Advice is free at
parties, in excess.  12/2/02

Where you could end up
  after the Lucky Seven
is Chapter Seven.  12/8/02

So tired earning
  money that we have to pay
brokers to lose it.  12/18/02

Addressing Christmas
  cards— the only time you wish
you had fewer friends.  12/21/02

Don’t manipulate
  via guilt assignation—
it’s disrespectful.  12/23/02

The easiest way
  for me to be bad is to
simply be myself.  12/24/02

When I’m doing my
  finances, don’t get within
a mile of me.  1/13/03

The unsuccessful
  aren’t that bad off— they can chuck
ambition and live.  1/20/03

Women do need men—
  if not to break up catfights,
at least to watch them.  1/22/03

Credit cards— live the
  gentle life today, as a
debt slave tomorrow.  1/25/03

The line dividing
  high sleaze and low art is just
an imagined one.  1/28/03

Ever wonder why
  loan companies are so loath
to reveal their rates?  2/1/03

Moderation is
  limiting yourself to no
more drinks than you want.  2/3/03

Should you be proud or
  humble? Neither one matters,
your life says it all.  2/7/03

Worry wastes time, yet
  we still do it. So let’s at
least call it planning.  2/8/03

It’s staggering to
  contemplate the amount of
time wasted on spam.  2/17/03

Some emails say,
  “This is not spam.” Nixon said,
“I am not a crook.”  2/18/03

It’s wondrous how quick
  a liter goes, despite how
big the bottle looked.  3/3/03

Creepy help-wanted
  ads, possibly the best cure
for the work ethic.  3/15/03

Almost like watching
  a movie about a war,
not the war itself.  3/20/03

If poverty builds
  character, I’m going to
be invincible.  4/9/03

Don’t think I’m over-
  qualified for anything—
except shooting bull.  4/10/03

A few things should still
  be made illegal— movie
sequels for instance.  4/13/03

The funniest of
  all sequel ideas is
still Titanic II.  

If you must have them,
  lower their budgets and call
them TV series.  

There are three basic
  web types— scammers, hobbyists,
and all the others.  4/14/03

Being a lover’s
  slave, paradise. Being a
creditor’s slave, hell.  4/19/03

Avoid debt except
  for a house, or possibly
business capital.  4/23/03

Everyone dreams of
  financial freedom, getting
off the hamster wheel.  4/25/03

To some, artists seem
  way too abnormal, while to
others, too normal.  5/6/03

The Pringles Diet—
  chips weigh so little that there’s
little weight to gain.  5/10/03

Instead of griping
  that musicians get the chicks,
learn an instrument.  5/23/03

Writing’s more polite
  than talking— it’s easier
to quit listening.  5/24/03

The poverty of
  joblessness is unwelcome,
but not the free time.  5/27/03

Killing ants in the
  kitchen, genocide against
tiny miracles.  5/28/03

Large cardboard boxes
  are great for storing unpaid
bills, I’ve filled several.  5/29/03

Now everyone builds
  their own website, just like they
put on their own clothes.  5/30/03

 Judgement Day could rock—
  “You rejected your lover!”
“She wasn’t playful.”  5/31/03

If a couple each
  thinks they’re the whore, both end up
satisfied but broke.  6/2/03

Women are like jobs,
  best not give one up until
you find another.  6/3/03

Doubt if anyone
  would pay me for advice, though
perhaps to shut up.  6/4/03

Unsure appetite
  gets less unsure when offered
a grilled steak dinner.  6/5/03

“Pays fifteen a week.”
  “Fifteen hundred isn’t bad.”
“No, fifteen dollars.”  6/6/03

One thing I did like
  about George W. Bush—
bargain-priced French wine.  6/7/03

Gallery hunting,
  yuck! Begging someone to take
half of your income.  6/8/03

Communication
  for too many people means
they talk, you listen.  6/10/03

Two good things about
  old age— you have survived and
you can retire.  6/11/03

The women here act
  like men are some sort of yoke
of necessity.  6/12/03

Archeology—
  digging is mapping something
as you destroy it.  6/13/03

How can people so
  dumb be so rich? Answer— they
only think money.  6/14/03

Don’t like job turn-downs
  and poverty, but do like
the laid-back lifestyle.  6/15/03

Keep an old pair of
  glasses handy to help find
the mislaid new pair.  6/16/03

My old school doesn’t
  ask me to do Career Day,
just Don’t-Do-This Day.  6/17/03

Woman flirts with guy,
  he sticks around, guy flirts with
woman, she is gone.  6/18/03

Democracy does
  not confer virtue, it just
encourages it.  6/19/03

Fewer people are
  smoking— I miss watching them
light the filter end.  6/20/03

Welcome to Western
  Kentucky, where the women
smoke and the men don’t.  6/21/03

Creditors charge me
  thirty percent while I charge
my debtors zero.  6/22/03

Make it to a hot
  singles list and everyone
is available.  6/23/03

Forth the mailtruck,
  moaning of nonpayment and
disconnection threats.  6/24/03

Imperfect weddings
  in no way posit less-than-
perfect marriages.  6/27/03

What’s with the stuffing-
  envelopes scam— who’d want to
do that anyway?  6/30/03

There are friends, there are
  business associates— may
they remain separate.  7/1/03

Idea catchers—
  pen-and-paper stations, placed
at key locations.  7/2/03

It requires no
  genius to rationalize
miscalculations.  7/3/03

There are a million
  ways to make a million, so
why can’t I find one?  7/4/03

If women could sense
  one-tenth of what I sense, they’d
all desire me.  7/11/03

Some have actually
  been touched by the divine, while
others are just touched.  7/12/03

Investing is just
  a game for some, happiness
being free of charge.  7/13/03

It’s getting to where
  the only honest work left
is prostitution.  8/1/03

I would just go from
  unemployment directly
to retirement.  8/5/03

Soon it will be hot,
  air conditioners drawing
our last ounce of blood.  8/6/03

Miss the days when you
  could watch TV without a
logo always on.  8/7/03

If you were marooned
  with one New Yorker issue,
which one would you want?  8/8/03

If single women
  become any more dull, men
will start turning bi.  8/9/03

With charisma you
  have the world, without it
you have fantasy.  8/10/03

You can sometimes do
  on next to nothing, but you
at least need the next.  8/11/03

If preachers practiced
  what they preached, they wouldn’t have
to preach about it.  8/12/03

If you can’t get good
  press get bad press, which is much
better than no press.  8/13/03

You can get any
  woman here, provided she
can’t find a redneck.  9/11/03

When you’re broke, sometimes
  just an extra ten bucks can
make all the difference.  9/15/03

Recession over?
  Yes, now it’s officially
called a depression.  9/22/03

High school seniors are
  seniors again in four years
and in forty years.  9/23/03

Dow dropped a hundred,
  panic! Now a thousand is
just a correction.  9/24/03

Loose the liberal
  within, I assure you that
your heart is bleeding.  9/25/03

Holidays wear me
  out, ordinary carefree
days are what I like.  9/26/03

If the recession’s
  officially over I’m
officially rich.  9/27/03

Tough finding ways to
  make it on the net without
spamming or scamming.  9/28/03

Pringles and Twinkies
  are healthy foods if eating
them makes you feel good.  9/29/03

I need to move from
  unemployed to retired,
they seem better off.  9/30/03

There is one thing you
  can say for unemployment—
the hours are good.  10/1/03

As an artist I
  feel I have but one deadline,
and that is the grave.  10/2/03

Short as life is it’s
  sad how much of it we waste
on money matters.  10/4/03

Research begins with
  Google, our billion-page
cyclopedia.  10/5/03

Trying everything
  except those activities
that produce income.  10/6/03

Don’t know if the house
  will be lost to the bank or
to the elements.  10/7/03

It’s called a jobless
  recovery, but jobs are
the recovery.  10/8/03

I’d pay my mortgage,
  but the collector’s the one
woman who calls me.  10/9/03

I don’t oft feel
  guilty, and if so likely
over the wrong things.  10/10/03

The painter’s nightmare—
  when he dies he’ll still be an
emerging artist.  10/11/03

Don’t say, “Next year will
  be better ’cause it can’t get
worse.” It can, it has.  10/12/03

Inverse adjustment—
  turn off the television
and quiet explodes.  10/13/03

Communication
  for some means, “Don’t talk to me
just listen to me.”  10/14/03

There’s time either to
  maintain a house or earn its
mortgage, but not both.  10/15/03

Three countries have launched
  spacemen— the largest, richest,
and most-populous.  10/16/03

We know the net worth
  of Martha Stewart, now how
about Bob Vila?  10/17/03

Eliminate all
  your vices and you’re free, right?
But free to do what?  10/18/03

Everyone has an
  idea, no wonder they’re
difficult to sell.  10/19/03

If Christmas doesn’t
  wipe me out, winter will— if
not winter, tax time.  10/21/03

If no one asks for
  your advice, it’s probably
not necessary.  10/22/03

The easier it
  is to believe, the lower
the value of faith.  10/23/03

Which are smarter on
  average, the French people
or Republicans?  10/24/03

Better to have to
  manage than scrounge, better to
have to scrounge than drudge.  10/25/03

Misogyny— the
  male’s suppressed self-loathing
for needing women.  10/26/03

Life is easy and
  faith is hard— or is it the
other way around?  10/27/03

If your income is
  limited and modest, debt
can be terminal.  10/28/03

Whatever rugged
  individualism is,
it can work— for some.  10/29/03

I don’t satisfy
  my girl friends, neither they
me. So we’re equal.  10/30/03

Hyper-romantics
  can’t fall in love, real life
never makes the grade.  10/31/03

Growing my hair long
  attracts women, they think that
I’m a musician.  11/2/03

All and nothing are
  identical, neither one
is indicative.  11/3/03

Let’s not pollute the
  twilight with orbiting ads—
don’t spam the cosmos!  11/4/03

You know you’re writing
  philosophy when you start
using “we” a lot.  11/5/03

More women than men
  avoid relationships for
fear they won’t work out.  11/6/03

Easiest to rip
  off the poor— they’re the weakest
and most plentiful.  11/7/03

Naming it Athlete’s
  Foot was a mistake— excuse
not to go jogging.  11/8/03

Make self-published books
  look like handouts— consignees
toss them, you collect.  11/9/03

I can develop
  at least half of a business
plan— the outgo part.  11/10/03

Should have been born a
  lesbian, they seem to do
the best with women.  11/11/03

You can’t rob a bank
  to pay off debt because then
you’d still owe that bank.  11/12/03

A four-legged pet
  might be cool— after I get
a two-legged one.  11/13/03

In movies women
  are both friendly and sexy—
sure wish it was true.  11/14/03

I’m a listener
  and an artist, when lover
too I’m dangerous.  11/18/03

Why don’t movies make
  good first dates? They’re distraction,
not interaction.  11/19/03

Poor’s okay if you’re
  writing the bestseller, How
To Live On Nothing.  11/20/03

One who’s just waiting
  for five o’clock to come is
missing one’s own life.  11/21/03

Sure I’d like to pay
  the bills but all I really
want is a woman.  11/22/03

Fill empty Chablis
  bottle two-thirds with water,
looks like you have some.  11/23/03

Shall we strive for fame
  despite inflicting ourselves
on biographers?  11/24/03

Honor the first George,
  read the lips of the second,
and impeach the third.  11/25/03

As poor as we are
  there are other artists who’d
swap wallets with us.  11/26/03

One nice thing about
  being swamped in debt— we’re worth
more alive than dead.  11/27/03

We stuff the turkey,
  then we stuff ourselves with the
stuffing and turkey.  11/28/03

The best way to learn—
  be forever challenged, yet
never overwhelmed.  11/30/03

Turkey warm in the
  oven, warm in our bellies
while we’re warm in bed.  12/1/03

Being rich sounds fun,
  though not enough to work the
hours to get there.  12/2/03

While rich artists aren’t
  quite so rare these days, I wish
there was just one more.  12/3/03

In the whole range of
  human emotion the most
costly is anger.  12/4/03

Rid of church, rid of
  preaching, but still Dr. Phil,
like a strict parent.  12/5/03

Fifteen minutes is
  a start, but obscurity
never gives up hope.  12/6/03

A head of state need
  only find good advisors,
then take their advice.  12/7/03

So much time working
  for retirement, none left
to learn to live it.  12/8/03

College students too
  overwhelmed to imagine
their own ideas.  12/9/03

Bush economy—
  not a dollar anywhere,
everyone is bushed.  12/10/03

My roof and drain have
  their roles switched— the first admits,
the second obstructs.  12/14/03

Construction workers
  off today, it’s so quiet
that my breath resounds.  12/15/03

Living in city
  versus country— social life
versus privacy.  12/16/03

When not having to
  shop, having to work over
to pay for shopping.  12/17/03

To eliminate
  telemarketers, never
purchase their products.  12/18/03

Same goes for spammers—
  to get rid of them, never
fall for their pitches.  12/19/03

All but whorehouses
  feel the need for deceptive
sales practices.  12/20/03

Fishing sounds good for
  the afterlife, with endless
days and all bills paid.  12/21/03

Sex appeal is a
  must, do anything short of
murder to get it.  12/22/03

If one doesn’t mind
  being a hypocrite, wealth
is easily had.  12/23/03

There’s no marriage more
  successful than politics
and hypocrisy.  12/24/03

Money doesn’t cause
  stress, it’s for lack of money
that we lose our sleep.  12/27/03

Only thing worse than
  December is December
and destitution.  12/28/03

The worst spam is for
  anti-spam programs— reward
them for the same wrong?  12/29/03

Okay to be born and
  die destitute, provided
you’re rich in between.  12/30/03

If it means what I
  hope it doesn’t, who wants to
grow old gracefully?  12/31/03

People do like to
  be preached to— if not, churches
couldn’t afford roofs.  1/3/04

More than one person
  should be allowed to love you—
go polygamy!  1/4/04

Why not acknowledge
  mistakes? Only God can be
right all of the time.  1/5/04

Utilities up,
  insurance up— you gotta
be rich to be poor.  1/6/04

Be atheist for
  a day— only by losing
God can you find God.  1/7/04

Merry Christmas is
  an oxymoron— when it’s
over we’re merry.  1/8/04

My health insurance
  has a high deductible—
one hundred percent.  1/9/04

My car insurance
  has a high deductible—
one hundred percent.  

My homeowner’s too
  has a high deductible—
one hundred percent.  

The unemployed gripe
  about being poor, but at
least they have time to.  1/10/04

I need discipline
  in my life— yes that, and the
non-kinky kind too.  1/11/04

Wendell Holmes said, “My
  freedom to swing my arms ends
where your nose begins.”  1/12/04

Tough finding playful
  women— maybe they don’t play
until they’re lovers.  1/13/04

No money to buy
  art but enough for a new
car or swimming pool?  1/17/04

Spending Down— blowing
  your savings on good living,
figments of heaven.  1/20/04

Dropping the Bucket—
  quitting your job and bumming
around the country.  1/21/04

Sinking the Ship— debt
  run-up to maintain lifestyle,
ending in ruin.  1/23/04

Loser Takes All— make
  a dartboard using only
maxed-out credit cards.  1/24/04

Commitphobia—
  rent everything you need by
the week, even socks.  2/6/04

In the end even
  Hitler may be forgiven—
spammers, not a chance.  3/26/04

Communication
   succeeds but by way of he
who chooses the words.  4/28/04

Even victors can
   be kind, only poverty
is without mercy.  6/22/04

We’d like politics
   if only it didn’t have
so much politics.  9/21/04

I wish women were
   fun and romantic. Wishing
doesn’t change things though.  11/17/04

The worst four-letter
  word is “busy”— too busy
for friends, fun, or thought.  11/20/04

I’d like three wives, but
  may only get one with three
personalities.  12/2/04

While I have several
  bad habits, poverty’s the
one I want to quit.  12/8/04

Pascal’s Wager has
  worked for Christianity,
no doubt about that.  12/20/04

Love is so mental
  that physicality can
get complicated.  12/27/04

The world is our
  PlayStation, its joysticks in
the Oval Office.  12/30/04

News networks don’t break
  from voice mid-sentence, why do it
from under-texting?  1/3/05

More ads these days on
  public television, yet
still the fundraisers.  1/19/05

First scrolls then books were
  invented, now scrolls are back—
they’re long webpages.  2/15/05

Phenomena are
  natural, creativities
divine expression.  2/19/05

Just cause a movie’s
  filmed in black and white doesn’t
mean Woody made it.  9/19/05

The only thing worse
  than a heavy mortgage is
a cosigned mortgage.  9/23/05

Some folks work to live,
  but those who enjoy their work
are twice rewarded.  10/4/05

What do convicts and
  President have in common?
They’re in the big house.  10/10/05

Worse be it to have
  not quite enough talent than
no talent at all.  10/11/05

This town is great for
  single guys provided they
want to stay single.  10/18/05

It’s possible to
  invent a religion and
then get saved by it.  10/22/05

What is there to look
  forward to? First ask insects
and then ask the gods.  10/24/05

First you drink, then drive,
  then stop, then get out, then blow,
then go to jail.  10/25/05

We used to owe our
  soul to the company store.
Now it’s MasterCard.  10/29/05

No matter how great
  your invention is you still
need a publicist.  10/31/05

If sin is denied
  so is our malevolence,
including Auschwitz.  11/1/05

Why hide a hangup?
  Rather be called deviant
than thought devious.  11/2/05

If there’s anything
  worse than being broke, death seems
the sole candidate.  11/3/05

Cowardice isn’t
  always bad nor bravery
inherently good.  11/4/05

Right-wingers have “How
  To Talk to a Liberal,”
left-wingers have truth.  11/5/05

Guys want women as
  lovers and hands as friends, not
the other way round.  11/7/05

Men and women can
  be friends, especially if
both of them are gay.  11/8/05

If part of my house
  falls down I’ll just close it off
and live in the rest.  11/9/05

We live for spirit
  not necessity, so there
will always be art.  11/10/05

If you’re smart enough
  to know what things you don’t know
then you’re smart enough.  11/11/05

The first hundred-proof
  religion— no wine schmine, just
bourbon on the rocks.  11/12/05

There’s a sucker born
  every time a new baby
exits its mother.  11/13/05

Only bad habit
  that I’m really trying to
break is poverty.  11/14/05

Best part of being
  spoiled’s the insatiable
need to stay that way.  11/15/05

The mail brings bills and
  offers of credit to pay
bills— see a pattern?  11/16/05

I like bad girls.
  Only trouble is, they can
sometimes be— well, bad.  11/18/05

By the time I’m rich
  enough to dine out it’s all
off of my diet.  11/22/05

I’m finally rich
  enough to dine out, but it’s
all off my diet.  (alt)

I like to think if
  it’s a slow news day I can
help pick up the slack.  11/24/05

The older I get
  the choosier I get, and
less there is to choose.  11/25/05

Tried drumming— I’m just
  one talent short of being
a Renaissance man.  11/26/05

The meek inherit
  the earth? They’d go broke paying
property taxes.  11/28/05

Stir fries— when they’re good
  they’re great, but when they’re not, whew!
FEMA couldn’t help.  11/29/05

The one thing you can
  count on with some folks is that
you can’t count on them.  11/30/05

My friend is filming
  Art of Starving, after that
maybe Where’s Nicky?  12/1/05

The best thing about
  a bottle of bourbon— it
never malfunctions.  12/3/05

Running hot water,
  a whiff of plumber’s putty—
that new-sink fragrance.  12/5/05

Wish the President
  was an idiot— wouldn’t
be so dangerous.  12/6/05

Accept compliments
  as sincere— there’s always time
for mitigation.  12/7/05

No popups on this
  site— rather lose a dime than
anyone’s goodwill.  12/8/05

In neither career
  nor lover should one settle
for less than first rate.  12/9/05

Maureen Dowd writes Are
  Men Necessary? Hope not—
way too much pressure.  12/20/05

You can say this for
  George W, he’s not a
traitor to his class.  12/22/05

Bob’s great quote— “None of
  us are going to get laid
tonight. Let’s go home.”  12/26/05

Things can always get
  worse— or better. Even win
the lottery twice.  12/30/05

If long johns have holes
  in the knees wear ’em backwards—
they’ll almost feel new.  1/17/06

Rowen’s a trucker
  who sends postcards of beauties
from every city.  1/19/06

Payday loan world
  where Republicans get rich
and Muslims get bombed.  1/21/06

Algolagnia—
  empathic unity of
converse obsessions.  1/24/06

My work’s going fast—
  on to a million or so.
Blink and you’ll miss it.  2/9/06

My friends are of all
  classes, from working poor to
really destitute.  2/9/06

Am I a wise man?
  Only to the extent that
I’m a wise-cracker.  2/20/06

One of the worse things
  you can do while closed inside
a shower is fart.  2/26/06

Ah spring! Buy whiskey
  with the heat money— warm the
body not the house.  3/4/06

I think Kentucky’s
  where I’ll stay— never far from
the distilleries.  3/7/06

If search is the web’s
  chemistry then SEO
is its alchemy.  3/16/06

A one-hit wonder
  is still much better off than
a no-hit wonder.  3/20/06

To compete here a
  single guy best have his own
band or religion.  3/24/06

If half your lovers
  say you’re too sweet and half say
too cruel, you’re tops.  3/27/06

Party all night and
  sleep all day, so when you wake
it’s happy hour.  4/9/06

Long as there’s Dr.
  Phil, I aint doin’ no work
but sellin’ advice.  4/11/06

First warm day of spring,
  lying bare, fantasizing
about anyone.  4/13/06

I’m glad that I don’t
  understand women, it keeps
relationships fun.  4/20/06

Fools and money are
  easily parted, so how
come they have money?  4/29/06

What has history
  taught us? One thing— liberals
have always been right.  5/20/06

I’m sure of two things—
  one, I’m not getting my share;
two, that’s gonna change.  5/22/06

Guess I’m a type Z
  personality— as in
lazy, and in sleep.  5/23/06

Rowen’s a trucker
  who sends postcards of beauties
from every city.  5/25/06

Don’t say that things can’t
  get any worse— they always
can and sometimes do.  6/6/06

If God’s will isn’t
  your will you aren’t listening
to the right voices.  6/12/06

I still have a few
  rich friends— a couple even
have health insurance.  6/14/06

Take or leave camping—
  maybe a day trip with a
gal and four tent stakes.  6/18/06

The stock market is
  most unpredictable, else
we’d all be loaded.  6/25/06

During my twenties
  I played hard-to-get— too well.
Not a single date.  6/30/06

Lesbian sex rocks,
  erectile difficulties
rare as dispassion.  7/8/06

Only thing I hate
  more than poverty is work,
which is why I’m poor.  7/19/06

They say the squeaky
  wheel gets the grease— I’m squeaking,
so let’s see the grease!  8/1/06

To oft with women
  it seems the cuter she is
the dumber she is.  8/12/06

I’m waiting for someone
  fun, cute, unpredictable—
don’t think she exists.  8/15/06

No hellfire for
  spammers, just eternity
of deleting ads.  8/16/06

There are three billion
  women— need that many to
find one that I like.  8/28/06

If it’s fun for her
  no need to pay— not fun, then
it’s not fun for me.  9/2/06

Keep up your spirits—
  if it’s all you can afford
at least have spirits.  9/4/06

No heat. The pipes might
  freeze but the liquor won’t, so
at least I’ll stay warm.  12/5/06

We might have won the
  Cold War, but the Russians are
winning the spam war.  12/7/06

Correct holiday
  dress is rainbow— “Don we now
our gay apparel.”  12/9/06

If someone would pay
  me for drinking whiskey I’d
be rich as Bill Gates.  12/16/06

I dream of having
  money to buy luxuries—
things like insurance.  12/31/06

The more perfect a
  truth, the harder to advance
to a higher truth.  1/9/07

The squeaky wheel
  usually does get the grease—
unless it’s replaced.  3/4/07

We vote, then from the
  comfort of our sofas watch
Pentagon snuff porn.  3/10/07

Spamming is murder—
  a second times a billion
equals a lifetime.  3/16/07

Lowertown our French
  Quarter, Fountain Avenue
our Garden District.  3/22/07

If more people would
  just walk it would irritate
a lot of drivers.  4/18/07

Bush/Gore 2000—
  one would have us seeing red,
other seeing green.  4/23/07

Even if you’re broke,
  as long as you’re out of debt
you’re rich beyond dreams.  4/27/07

While I think I have
  many talents, I may just
have one— staying broke.  4/29/07

Who says you can’t be
  popular, debt collectors
call me every day.  10/10/07

Me marry? I’d be
  tired of her before the
honeymoon ended.  10/11/07

You know you’ve partied
  enough when you’re too weak to
pour yourself a drink.  10/21/07

Didn’t have to take
  vows of poverty, it just
came naturally.  10/27/07

So many toolbars
  that you’re surfing between slats
in Venetian blinds.  10/29/07

Did want nonsmoker,
  slim, no kids— now I’m happy
if she’s not wanted.  1/1/08

If you try to please
  everybody you’ll end up
pleasing nobody.  1/31/08

Bill Gates gets one vote
  same as the poor guy. Isn’t
our system awesome?  2/1/08

If men were angels
  we’d still need government but
not politicians.  2/7/08

If you cheat on your
  eye exam don’t complain then
about your glasses.  4/4/08

Women do so much
  better socially— guess that’s
why they’re all married.  4/25/08

Obama’s biggest
  worry is that Bush comes out
in support of him.  8/14/08

Religion would be
  wonderful if we could just
get God out of it.  9/15/08

Liberal women—
  can’t relate to them, they seem
so well-adjusted.  10/7/08

Hillary is a
  great talent but Barack is
a moment in time.  10/28/08

If they don’t play they
  should cook for me, not me for
them, and kowtow too.  2/13/09

Modigliani
  enters a bar, bartender
asks, “Why the long face?”  4/20/09

Even cheap bourbon
  makes one brilliant, confident,
and a great dancer.  6/19/09

Anything written
  in passion or drink edit
with morning coffee.  6/20/09

Watched The Perfect Storm—
  made it through with only a
partial jug. Thank you.  6/20/09x

Holidays aren’t— you
  gotta buy stuff, get cleaned up,
and get there on time.  6/21/09

Networks and liquor
  must be in cahoots— how else
to survive primetime?  6/22/09

Starting Exit to
  Eden— yes book already
better than movie.  6/22/09x

The Living Bible,
  Song of Solomon, one page
at a time. Hot stuff.  6/23/09

Playgirls have it
  so much better than playboys,
why most nerds are guys.  6/23/09x

If it just treats the
  symptoms don’t want it, for that
there’s bourbon whiskey.  6/24/09

Facebook beats MySpace—
  comments in emails, don’t have
to always login.  6/24/09x

The young can pick and
  choose, the rest of us settle
for what we can get.  6/25/09

Want to hang more with
  single women but whiskey
jugs are easier.  6/25/09x

Back from CVS
  with whiskey jug, crescent moon,
black cat crosses path.  6/26/09

Falling in love, what
  does that mean? Falling’s easy,
love is much harder.  6/26/09x

Challenge for every
  unattached guy, finding a
gal who likes to dance.  6/27/09

Danced with six women
  last night, wish just one would call
me before she died.  6/28/09

Want to quit watching
  L.A. Confidential but
still memorizing.  6/28/09x

ABC’s Impact
  sci-fi miniseries good
except for the soap.  6/29/09

Love the Fifties when
  everyone could smoke and not
think about cancer.  6/30/09

I really do think
  every woman’s dream is to
meet someone like me.  7/1/09

July Fourth Cookout
  here, 3:00 PM Saturday,
everyone welcome!  7/1/09i

Won’t hear excuses
  other than why she had to
come by and see me.  7/2/09

Creating a new
  religion is easy next
to falling in love.  7/2/09x

Anyone ever
  really been in love and not
just thought that they were?  7/4/09

Can’t believe how fast
  I drank through a three hundred
dollar credit card.  7/5/09

Don’t ask gals to dance,
  they’ll say no— when one dances
alone just join her.  7/6/09

Guys shouldn’t even
  try to understand women—
why ruin the fun?  7/6/09x

Twitter pains— thirty
  followers but just sixteen
appear when listed.  7/6/09c

Drop by some evening—
  if my porch light is on I’m
good for company.  7/7/09

Must ask myself am
  I looking for a soulmate,
muse, lover, or wife?  7/7/09x

Friend told me she was
  living in a gilded cage
so I had one made.  7/8/09

Once a year I howl
  at the moon, guess ’cause I’m not
God’s gift to women.  7/9/09

Told a friend I dreamed
  of meeting someone like her
or better yet her.  7/10/09

Brought dawn in with The
  Graduate. Hoffman! Bancroft!
Simon! Garfunkel!  7/10/09m

Bachelors know more
  about women, otherwise
they’d be married too.  7/10/09 Mencken

Resolved to limit
  myself to two drinks a day,
lasted for three days!  7/11/09

Would like to find a
  woman who’ll still be there when
I’m rich and famous.  7/11/09x

Late Saturday night
  wishing some wild and crazy
woman would come by.  7/12/09

Watched The Cotton Club.
  Young cast— Richard Gere, Diane
Lane, Nicolas Cage.  7/12/09m

Everyone needs an
  instrument whether or not
they know how to play.  7/13/09

Hot Shots! Part Deux with
  Bourbon on the Rocks. Built-in
MST3K.  7/13/09m

Fewer tweets more meets,
  less Facebook more face-to-face,
your space not MySpace.  7/14/09

Stardust Memories—
  as much Allen as Woody,
satire on himself.  7/14/09m

Only wrong numbers
  pick up. Answering machines.
Calls seldom returned.  7/15/09

Sweetie accused me
  of being a gigolo
and stoked my ego.  7/16/09

Those who say the Earth
  isn’t millions of years old
are right— it’s billions.  7/16/09x

A few mental types
  will twist something you say and
never let it go.  7/17/09

Not visiting dream
  home, only depreciate
the new furniture.  7/17/09x

...like getting just one
  inheritance and drinking
through it in a year.  7/18/09

A friend shares a snack.
  “Fattening,” I say. “Take it,”
she says. Useful trick.  7/18/09x

All religions are
  part truth and part kookiness,
including my own.  7/19/09x

Dragnet then L.A.
  Confidential— few angels
in the city of.  7/19/09m

When Walter Cronkite
  took off his glasses it was
the way that it was.  7/20/09

People liked people
  before TV, video
games— even texting.  7/20/09x

Shy kidney cure— at
  crowded bar order buckets
and buckets of beer.  7/21/09

If someone gets a
  mind that the Earth is flat there’s
no way to change it.  7/21/09x

Seems most women are
  interested in parenting,
men in partying.  7/22/09

Gay Nineties, Roaring
  Twenties— now time goes by too
fast to name decades.  7/23/09

Watermelon not
  an option in fast lane, no
time to spit the seeds.  7/23/09x

If we could truly
  reason about faith there would
only be one faith.  7/24/09

Divorced his wife, sold
  the house, drank through the money,
got saved, and then died.  7/24/09novelette

Swallowed her melon
  seeds and nine months later gave
birth to a melon.  7/25/09

Life Is Sweet. It is
  but I’m talking about the
movie. Anglokink.  7/25/09m

Even worst movie’s
  good with enough alcohol—
never make critic.  7/25/09x

Lonely and drinking
  though popular and drinking
would be much more fun.  7/26/09

Andy Kaufman. Man
  on the Moon. All guys wrestle
women, or want to.  7/26/09m

When is the moment
  always right? When you decide
to do it yourself.  7/26/09x

Best political
  discussions are not about
politics at all.  7/26/09y

Not ready for more
  heat outside but sure ready
for more heat inside.  7/27/09

Groundhog Day. Six in
  the morning. Punxsutawney.
Large rodent. Lover.  7/27/09m

Should have become a
  psychiatrist— first patient
would have been myself.  7/28/09

Nashville. Twirlers. Brit
  chick. Wreck. Junkyard. Rambling not
singing. Parthenon.  7/28/09m

Bet there’s already
  an issue about what brand
of beer at White House.  7/29/09

Chinatown. Thirties
  cars. Sheep in aisle. Mansions.
Murder. Love. Incest.  7/29/09m

If work smart not hard
  is the path to wealth there aren’t
many smart people.  7/29/09x

Walking down Broadway
  noticed faded paint on brick
warehouse— PoDoLax.  7/29/09y

Passed house of friend who’d
  passed. Didn’t look empty. If
rang bell would she come?  7/30/09

The Awful Truth. Rooms
  with columns. Divorce. Songstress.
Screwball comedy.  7/30/09m

In early morning
  before bed breakfasting on
cornflakes and bourbon.  7/30/09x

Noticed Prez wiping
  hand on pants at beer talk. No
napkins? Someone goofed :)  7/30/09y

Communication
  is at best imperfect so
allow for error.  7/31/09

If love was easy
  as spending we’d be up and
economy down.  7/31/09x

Another nice thing
  about art is your job is
your retirement.  8/2/09

Guys-only cookout
  with the lowdown on women
and dip in the pool.  8/3/09

Whatever you do
  don’t hit middle age having
yet to fall in love.  8/3/09x

California I
  think it’s 4:20 PM
Pacific High Time.  8/3/09h

Will live forever
  ’cause refuse to die till I
find woman of dreams.  8/3/09y

Ready to practice
  sawing-woman-in-half trick—
any volunteers?  8/4/09

Got large brick of cheese
  from well-meaning friend— must keep
the scale well-hidden.  8/4/09x

Morning local news—
  couple old national feeds,
lots of local ads.  8/5/09

If I were a tad
  hairier I’d audition
to be a caveman.  8/6/09

Opening, my work
  at Gallery 1025,
5 PM today.  8/8/09i

Must give up meeting
  women and choose one so can
spend more time on art.  8/8/09

Wine at opening.
  Home. Tried to sober up with
bourbon. So-so luck.  8/9/09

Movie idea—
  Lousy Catch, guy women date
in lieu of death wish.  8/9/09x

Creating your own
  religion won’t guarantee
quality women.  8/10/09

Even other guys
  agree alcoholism’s
easier than love.  8/10/09x

Need to lay in a
  couple cases of bourbon
and paint like crazy.  8/10/09y

Ready to crank on
  art but need a muse— must be
single and playful.  8/10/09p

Need single, playful
  muse to just inspire me
or as lover too.  8/10/09q

Fighting high wet grass
  with a broken-down hunk of
rust is getting old.  8/11/09

Ultimately all
  will be forgiven, for no
action is all pure.  8/11/09x

Hot Shots! Vegas strip
  as landing strip, Denny’s Grand
Slam cooked on belly.  8/11/09m

Hard to believe with
  six billion to choose from you’d
need change anyone.  8/11/09y

Fine the line between
  showcasing attributes and
an ego problem.  8/12/09

So many lovers
  so little time (motto to
promote speed dating).  8/12/09x

Right now have plans A,
  B, C, and maybe D to
keep the power on.  8/12/09y

While emphasizing
  my allure I don’t deny
having a screw loose.  8/12/09z

Need a low stress low
  maintenance type woman. Hope
there’s an afterlife.  8/12/09a

On this bourbon-fueled
  surreal-art haiku-scribbing
crazy-woman thing.  8/13/09

She took three sleeping
  pills so warned her not to do
a Michael Jackson.  8/13/09x

Make friend requests to
  unattainables, thickens
skin for real dates.  8/13/09y

Fantasy women
  are so different from real
ones. Tough decision.  8/14/09

Once lost a wallet.
  Maybe what saved me was my
really bad credit.  8/14/09x

Without skin thick as
  a submarine’s a single
guy can’t survive here.  8/14/09y

Hard as is to get
  novel published selling an
invention’s harder.  8/14/09z

Can’t win with women,
  either they’re not interested
or you’re stuck with them.  8/14/09a

Isn’t alcohol
  just a short-term fix? Only
if you sober up.  8/15/09

Don’t drum but look good
  sitting at drums. Do have a
musician’s ego.  8/15/09x

Can’t as an artist
  in good conscious die having
never been in love.  8/15/09y

Excited for my
  collectors since Car Series
will be worth millions.  8/15/09z

VMax’s birthday
  party— guitars, whiskey, straight
men and gay women.  8/16/09

Want a chained woman
  but if she’d chain me at least
something’s going on.  8/16/09x

Helped a friend fill a
  prescription. “OxyContin run?
You’re riding shotgun.”  8/16/09y

Heaven has to be
  like Kentucky because of
the distilleries.  8/16/09z

I’m funny both ways,
  ha-ha funny and nice but
a little funny.  8/16/09a

Baked tilapia,
  brown rice, butter, lemon juice,
washed down with bourbon.  8/16/09b

Living edgy is
  leaving doors unlocked, plus is
doing it naked.  8/16/09c

New bank robbery
  scenario— “Please don’t shoot
me, I’m uninsured.”  8/17/09

Hospital. Midnight.
  All is calm. Full of patients
living and dying.  8/17/09x

Sign over door says
  “Walk-in Emergency.” If
you can’t walk, stagger.  8/17/09y

Interesting summer
  weather-wise, wish it had been
so in the bedroom.  8/17/09z

Want to spice things up
  in the bedroom but out of
new self-love techniques.  8/17/09a

Networks logo their
  programs, hope museums don’t
logo their paintings.  8/18/09

Naked Gun Two and
  a Half. Sleeping audience
(feather in breath). Bomb.  8/18/09m

No the recession
  doesn’t seem over for me
but it’s been my life.  8/19/09

Out of bourbon so
  knocked off the guest vodka. See
loneliness coming.  8/19/09x

You’d think that people
  desperate for ideas
would flock to your thoughts.  8/19/09y

Gas lawn mowers have
  personalities— run hot,
cold, or not at all.  8/19/09z

E-aggravation—
  search results that dead-end you
at a screensaver.  8/19/09a

Pet size-interval
  disconnection— fish, turtle,
hamster, cat, dog... horse?  8/20/09

Auto Focus. Bob
  Crane. Dark side of Hollywood.
Men gotta have fun.  8/20/09m

Insurance lobby,
  deepest pockets; Obama,
biggest megaphone.  8/20/09x

Summerfest party
  Saturday August Twenty-
Ninth— mark calender!  8/20/09i

Yard got away twice
  this year— rain, dead lawnmower,
breakdowns, paint-a-thon.  8/20/09y

Do space aliens
  exist? Keep an open mind
but be skeptical :)  8/21/09

Auto Focus one
  more time. Though Crane wasn’t a
painter it hit home.  8/21/09m

If everyone culled
  all their spam it would stop, save
rants and religions.  8/21/09a

After open-mike
  did Moe’s— gave few women my
number, talked to two.  8/22/09

Dragged myself out of
  bed, joints stiff, kitchen greased with
last night’s spaghetti.  8/22/09a

If you spend more on
  food you’ll spend more on clothes too
as you gain sizes.  8/22/09b

Over-SEO’d
  the faith symbol, didn’t know
that was possible.  8/22/09c

The woman for me
  would have to be a goddess,
no other would know.  8/23/09

Infomercial get-
  rich scams— low intro price then
endless upgrade calls.  8/23/09a

Sorry no checks or
  money orders means they are
after card numbers.  8/23/09b

Guys cookout at Bob’s—
  Cardinals game on TV,
steaks, fries, beans, bourbon.  8/23/09c

Like idea of
  being famous and having
to fight women off.  8/23/09d

Visited friend. Met
  roommate’s friend. Magic trick. Walk.
Irish Eights. Footrub.  8/24/09

Elizabeth. Queen.
  Catholics. Protestants. Castles.
Early furniture.  8/24/09m

Friend called late— footrub
  in Eights, longer walk, backrub
in trick, herbal tea.  8/25/09

Summerfest here, Eight
  PM Saturday, music,
everyone welcome!  8/25/09i

Had such a time was
  almost too tired for the
next date of the night.  8/26/09

Annie Hall. Roller
  coaster. Lobsters. Bad singing.
Thousand-dollar sneeze.  8/26/09m

Couldn’t find the hair
  in her eye so darn had to
release her early.  8/26/09a

You can eat rabbit
  food till your ears sprout but guys
need a real meal.  8/26/09b

Beautiful women
  get in line, I’m still single
and available.  8/26/09c

Some whip out plastic
  and buy new mowers, others
keep kicking the rust.  8/26/09d

Noticed that swine flu
  virus magnified looks like
prepackaged sushi.  8/26/09e

One should be balanced—
  not too skeptical and not
too open-minded.  8/27/09

Reminder— party
  Saturday 8:00 PM, all
Facebook friends welcome.  8/27/09a

Chevy Volt— step up
  from golf cart, not to mention
early electrics.  8/27/09b

Excited about
  my upcoming fling. Wonder
who it will be with.  8/28/09

Dreamt I was at the
  White House without pants, later
could open bank vaults.  8/28/09a

Like me she must be
  cute, smart, and funny both ways—
haha and kooky.  8/29/09

Party tonight! If
  you’re out and about come by
around eight or late.  8/29/09i

Party was awesome
  but when I’m ninety will I
be dancing till dawn?  8/30/09

Have to ask do I
  want to meet a woman or
party animal?  8/30/09a

Prophets have to fake
  miracles because no speech
or book is enough.  8/30/09b

Make-up sex can be
  especially good when you’re
forgiving yourself.  8/30/09c

Trains loaded with coal
  for power, too bad not goods
to balance our trade.  8/31/09

I don’t really like
  Twitter, think it’s near worthless,
but still sometimes tweet.  8/31/09a

Naked Gun Thirty-
  Three-and-a-Third. Great escape.
Bomb in envelope.  8/31/09m

How to get last few
  drops out of jug— invert, shake
continuously.  8/31/09b

Got small check, enough
  to pay a bill or buy a
jug. The bill can wait.  9/1/09

A friend took me to
  McDonald’s, the next day one
of my shirts was tight.  9/1/09a

You want at least one
  person bad-mouthing you to
maintain your mystique.  9/1/09b

Why orientals
  stay slim and healthy— they have
to eat with chopsticks.  9/1/09c

Rotoballs disco
  light down. Need a machine shop—
and a machinist.  9/1/09d

Glad to have an old-
  style website that still runs on
ancient computers.  9/2/09

The exciting thing
  about looking for love is
anticipation.  9/2/09a

Guy finally meets girl
  of his dreams, passes thinking
too good to be true.  9/2/09b

Excited about
  my next date, possibly the
woman of my dreams.  9/3/09

Some tweets post really
  slow, wonder if they ever
make it to Facebook.  9/3/09a

Only crazy when
  we create reality
and it’s not real.  9/3/09b

Finally found someone.
  Now if I can only see
her when I’m awake.  9/3/09c

No one should have to
  die or go broke because they
can’t afford health care.  9/3/09d

Taxes for defense
  and not for health care? Both are
for our protection.  9/3/09e

The car is rusty
  but it still runs when and if
I get it running.  9/4/09

Been a blah summer—
  no big sales, no picnics,
no special woman.  9/4/09a

Chantix side-effect—
  vivid, unusual dreams.
Start smoking to stop?  9/4/09b

Just started raining,
  nice weather for cookout. Glad
we’re not having one.  9/5/09

Cash Express balloon
  and lollipop giveaway
just a tad creepy.  9/5/09a

Weekend with friends and
  reveling in History
Channel gloom and doom.  9/7/09

Star Trek— the Motion
  Picture. Young William Shatner.
Spock. Save the world.  9/7/09m

Still looking for a
  faith symbol in the Lost Book
of Nostradamus.  9/7/09a

If you think men and
  women can’t communicate
try two lesbians.  9/7/09b

Don’t watch interviews
  with beautiful women, it’s
too hard to meet them.  9/8/09

Not ready to be
  famous, don’t want women just
after me for that.  9/8/09a

Since bourbon’s needed
  it’s possible to be too
broke to get depressed.  9/8/09b

Seems like Nightline could
  do more than just talk to that
Tyra chick all night.  9/8/09c

Mortgage can seem like
  renting from the bank except
they don’t do repairs.  9/9/09

Jaws. Perfect movie
  to watch alone. Quint. Orca.
Da-dumf, da-dumf. Yow!  9/9/09m

A friend surprised me
  with a liter of scotch from
another friend. Sweet!  9/9/09a

In Scotland whisky
  is called the water of life.
Doesn’t surprise me.  9/9/09b

Scotland’s national
  drink is scotch whisky, our state
drink is of course... milk?  9/9/09c

Those drug, hospital,
  and doctor ads get stressful,
that way you need them.  9/10/09

Saw space station and
  shuttle tonight, missed last night
’cause of haze I guess.  9/10/09a

President promised
  it won’t cost a dime but what
if it costs nine cents?  9/10/09b

Cigarette smoking
  used to be romantic, so
glad there’s still brandy.  9/10/09c

Got snifters, can do
  Jimmy Stewart’s Rear Window
brandy-swishing thing.  9/10/09d

Ambur’s Vodka, one-
  hundred-ninety proof. Fire
water anyone?  9/11/09

Can’t get new Opera
  browser to load— wonders of
antique computing.  9/11/09a

Seems too much of life
  these days is wasted waiting
on a computer.  9/11/09b

Could be hot if I
  wasn’t a nickel short of
a five-dollar bill.  9/11/09c

Must finish some old
  paintings before I end up
crazy like Ryder.  9/11/09d

Women met in bars
  cease to exist— next day they’re
nabbed by aliens.  9/12/09

After one-ninety
  proof, regular liquor is
like drinking soda.  9/12/09a

Saturday night down
  streets looking for a party—
thank goodness for mine :)  9/12/09b

Spending time trying
  to find a soulmate and I’ve
a world to save.  9/13/09

Talking into the
  night oblivious of the
bondage they both crave.  9/13/09a

Try to self-police
  my haiku but truth like great
passion sometimes hurts.  9/14/09

Scarlet Street. Classic
  noir, with Scotch and Pepper Jack.
Lazy-Legs. Art. Greed.  9/14/09m

Last night I met a
  nice woman who kept getting
taller, then I woke.  9/14/09a

Open mic Friday
  night, walked downtown Saturday
night, cookout Sunday.  9/15/09

Quiz Show. The Fifties.
  Herbie Stempel. Charles Van
Doren. Ratings. Greed.  9/15/09m

Need a woman with
  good humor, no demands, few
needs, and limber joints.  9/15/09a

Would like to meet the
  gals in Facebook’s right column
but they’re fantasies.  9/15/09b

Being the single,
  hot, man-about-town is fun
but need a soulmate.  9/15/09c

You don’t create for
  money or even ego
but for the world.  9/15/09d

Not an actor but
  would like to try scene where Van
Gogh cuts off his ear.  9/15/09e

The new bird flu is
  when those you follow on Twitter
don’t follow you back.  9/15/09f

People you don’t know
  shouldn’t expect a follow
back, those you know should.  9/15/09g

Twenty dollars here,
  fifteen there and promises,
but power’s still on.  9/16/09

Quiz Show again, with
  real-buttered popcorn and
snifter of brandy.  9/16/09m

Don’t wait for heaven
  to see the divine, just blink
and look around you.  9/16/09a

Computers should be
  fully manual, nothing
runs till you tell it.  9/16/09b

Only at night with
  lights finally out do I feel
near the precipice.  9/17/09

Time to do a few
  just-for-fun dates and give the
soulmate thing a rest.  9/17/09a

Van Gogh. No missing
  ear, masterpieces, lovers.
So why shoot himself?  9/17/09m

Love when people start
  me drinking and even buy,
but then they turn in.  9/17/09b

Why watch women on
  TV if you’re not engaged
to them? Can’t meet them.  9/18/09

The Man Who Wasn’t
  There. Favorite movie. Coen
brothers, well-twisted.  9/18/09m

Expensive as ink
  cartridges are why do they
hold so little ink?  9/18/09a

Drew Barrymore’s fun
  but on Jay her hair looked like
a dirty paintbrush.  9/20/09

Are you a night owl?
  Come by anytime before
dawn and give a hoot.  9/20/09a

Facebooking’s fun but
  high time to get offline and
do some facelooking.  9/20/09b

Looking forward to
  sharing my craziness with
a special someone.  9/20/09c

Funny when forums
  send you a poke after your
logins are long-lost.  9/20/09d

When I meet someone
  who’s no fun and pass on her
I think whew, close call.  9/21/09

Thought the Bears were up
  to a Bears/Cubs thing the first
quarter, but checkmate.  9/21/09a

Still learning women—
  have unitheism but
lack that magic touch.  9/21/09b

Peyton versus the
  wildcat. Good to be Colts fan
but takes a strong heart.  9/22/09

I should be grateful
  my only illness of late
has been lovesickness.  9/22/09a

Why is it that the
  more channels you have the less
you can find to watch?  9/22/09b

Deduct commission,
  frames, and buyer’s discount and
art is cheap labor.  9/22/09c

Maybe time to quit
  fighting women off and let
one into my life.  9/22/09d

That funny-things-dad-
  says tweet is Life With Father
Millennium-style.  9/22/09e

Dating has risk— could
  meet someone wrong for you and
end up stuck with them.  9/22/09f

No matter how fat
  the wallet it’s an easy
gig to drink through it.  9/22/09g

Plenty of poets
  stifled ’cause they can’t afford
ink for their printers.  9/23/09

Tarantino says
  when sixty might be ready
to have children. Ha!  9/23/09a

Dream of taking up
  pipe smoking— for sex appeal
not my health of course.  9/23/09b

I’m penultimate—
  women marry the next guy
they date after me.  9/23/09c

My health insurance
  is great, only premium
a jug now and then.  9/23/09d

Let’s sympathize with
  lesbians— they are women
and endure them too.  9/23/09e

Good faith empowers,
  bad faith exploits doubt, no faith
leaves you wanting it.  9/24/09

Forgot how we watched
  football before color, like
distinguishing teams.  9/24/09a

Men are luckier
  than women, they don’t always
have to lock their doors.  9/24/09b

Down to one pair of
  glasses, rough ’cause need one pair
to find another.  9/24/09c

Says she likes blue eyes.
  Nothing like a jumpstart for
the ready, set, go.  9/24/09d

Fifty years ago
  telephones always worked, now
lucky if they do.  9/25/09

So anxious to get
  a commitment that they can’t
just enjoy loving.  9/25/09a

Multiple remotes—
  if one’s out of reach odds are
it’s the one you need.  9/25/09b

Lots of ads from drug
  companies and lawyers to
sue drug companies.  9/26/09

Jesse James. Tyrone
  Power, Henry Fonda. Fast
and loose with the facts.  9/26/09m

I would drink less and
  date more but there are two jugs
for every woman.  9/26/09a

Trains through here not that
  romantic, just tons of coal
bound for the greenhouse.  9/26/09b

A few drinks and feel
  you rule the world, and that’s
good as doing it.  9/27/09

Could lie and say don’t
  want love but then I’d have to
lie to Miss Dreamboat.  9/28/09

Stranger asked for my
  autograph today, mistook
me for Tommy Chong :)  9/28/09a

Though life on the edge
  the party-guy lifestyle is
irresistible.  9/28/09b

Just roller girls
  since few guys dream of bumping
other guys on skates.  9/29/09

Gotta start getting
  ready for my “Dancing With
the Stars” audition.  9/30/09

How easy it is
  to fritter away the days
in pursuit of love.  9/30/09a

Ads want you to sell
  your gold for extra money—
not the best of signs.  9/30/09b

A hundred dollars
  was a lot, now you can drink
through it in a night.  9/30/09c

Brown rice hotly spiced,
  tilapia with lemon
juice, and strong vodka.  9/30/09d

Visitors must want
  to party, they’re already
opening my snacks.  9/30/09e

Couldn’t postpone my
  party even if I had
to— snacks would be gone.  10/1/09

People visit in
  order to rummage cupboards
for the party snacks.  10/1/09a

Can sip whiskey straight
  but one-hundred-ninety-proof
vodka mandates ice.  10/1/09b

Her day in shambles
  I near spared her the Irish
Eights, but deal’s a deal.  10/1/09c

Hesitated with
  the ’Eights but she’d already
removed her bracelet.  10/1/09d

Rewatched Planes, Trains, and
  Automobiles. Had bus too
and love that burned car.  10/1/09e

An old computer
  means your life’s spent watching the
hourglass icon.  10/1/09f

Spend more time trying
  to keep the mower running
than mowing the lawn.  10/2/09

As at home in the
  cockpit as most people are
in their easy chairs.  10/2/09a

Best thing on TV—
  Ken Burns PBS series
on national parks.  10/2/09b

Years ago rooms were
  called spaces, then rooms again
since rooms are spaces.  10/2/09c

Two mowers and still
  can’t get either started with
party tomorrow.  10/2/09d

Now can’t follow-back
  on Twitter or download the
new Opera browser.  10/3/09

Writing haiku is
  like solving sometimes-easy
syllable-puzzles.  10/3/09a

Grilled bratwurst at Bob’s,
  Etcetera, Star briefly,
Moe’s briefly, my place.  10/3/09b

Our Annual Fall
  Party and Music Event
here tonight at eight.  10/3/09c

Party last night was
  one of the best— great friends, great
music, and great snacks :)  10/4/09

Fun project— try a
  hundred please-use-other-doors,
how many are locked?  10/6/09

Saw Surrogates with
  friends. Agoraphobia-
enabled robots.  10/6/09m

Cool how many folks
  at rock bottom still manage
to get booze and pot.  10/6/09a

We know now that George
  W. Bush wasn’t the
Antichrist, he’s waned.  10/6/09b

Wormwood Prophecy—
  does it mean everyone will
drink absinthe again? :)  10/6/09c

David Letterman
  only inspires me to
liven up my life.  10/7/09

Courtship is walking
  a tightrope, one right step and
a zillion wrong ones.  10/7/09a

Live broke and free— the
  carcass (meat closest to bone)
is best anyway.  10/8/09

I’m always meeting
  psycho chicks but can’t find one
who’s psycho like me.  10/8/09a

Catching a bus for
  Indy to hang with an old
friend. Back Monday night.  10/8/09t

Met biker chick off
  a bad romance on the bus
down from St. Louis.  10/13/09

Asked politely if
  I could kidnap her— she does
housework and cult-play.  10/13/09a

Now deadly to smoke
  and unsafe to stuff turkeys—
where will it all end?  10/14/09

Bus wipers hissing
  in time like dying patient
on ventilator.  10/14/09a

Large birds are awesome,
  whether through binoculars
or served with dressing.  10/14/09b

You have to admire
  landscapers— low pay, breakdowns,
rain, rain, and more rain.  10/14/09c

Most Falls are dry but
  rain is still falling and the
lawn is still raging.  10/14/09d

Prices going up
  on my work but must survive
two tough winters first.  10/14/09e

With a monthly check
  I could double prices and
collect my own work.  10/15/09

With income doubled
  could add garage, picket fence,
flagpole, and shutters.  10/15/09a

More than ready for
  a sale and a good round check—
heat for the winter!  10/15/09b

Twenty-Eleven—
  no sales, accumulate
work, show in New York.  10/15/09c

Twenty-Ten (next year)—
  Unitheist Fellowship,
paint, write, laugh, and love.  10/15/09d

Greed. Murder. Double
  Indemnity. Outdoors, night,
concert so distant.  10/15/09m

Two Thousand Nine (this
  year)— paint, finish Faith Symbol
site, host three parties.  10/15/09e

Have water, power,
  but no heat— need to rock and
roll on a sale.  10/16/09

At my Halloween
  party hope someone comes dressed
as an art buyer.  10/16/09a

If you think that my
  prices are too high now wait
about sixteen months.  10/16/09b

I do like those nice
  round checks, the ones with zeros
in twins and triplets.  10/17/09

With a good muse I
  could paint better, sell more, and
upgrade my bourbon.  10/17/09a

Never thought I’d be
  dreaming of a monthly check
instead of mansion.  10/17/09b

Plan B— “Car Series,
  Dogs.” Keep original, sell
a hundred lithos.  10/17/09c

Giving a dozen
  roses is silly, better
a dozen hamsters.  10/18/09

I’m descended from
  Methodist ministers and
by now drank their share.  10/18/09a

Can decorate this
  house for Halloween by not
dusting for two weeks.  10/18/09b

The house is a dump
  but made it mine and wouldn’t
trade for a castle.  10/18/09c

Mess can be good— the
  only truly problem-free
home is a coffin.  10/19/09

Movie break, Wise Blood.
  Warped. Disjointed. Glad I’m not
no crazy preacher.  10/19/09m

We experience
  dying but not death, that state
voids experience.  10/19/09a

Imaginative
  sex is the best sex until
someone proves you wrong.  10/19/09b

Life, death, finding a
  reason for being— nothing
is harder than love.  10/20/09

Thursday’s Game— decent
  comedy, somewhat dated,
good cast, great moments.  10/20/09m

“Hansel and Gretel”
  not healthy for children— made
me a deviant.  10/20/09a

The whole world’s my
  asylum and all of its
people my keepers.  10/21/09

If I start to feel
  sick aspirin, coffee, and
whiskey does the trick.  10/21/09a

If I can’t dig a
  woman I can at least dig
unitheism.  10/21/09b

Productive day— mowed
  the back yard, did remaining
cleanup from ice storm.  10/21/09c

Had a friend who talked
  about how quickly he could
drink through his money.  10/21/09d

Cussed my computer
  so many times it must have
a hotline to hell.  10/21/09e

High maintenance not
  always about money— long
rubs, acupressure.  10/22/09

My door is always
  open except when locked— gone,
sleeping, or lucky.  10/22/09a

When rechargeables
  decide to go dead they get
right down to business.  10/22/09b

It’s a challenge when
  each of you self-medicates
in a different way.  10/22/09c

Online fantasy
  to offline reality—
some just can’t do it.  10/22/09d

Women have allure,
  so men have to work harder
to maintain their lead.  10/22/09e

If it wasn’t for
  “Stuff”-My-Dad-Says would Twitter
be worth the bother?  10/22/09f

Need people to join
  the unitheist movement—
I’ve joined enough stuff.  10/23/09

Movie, “Jesus of
  Montreal.” Passion Play is
updated, backlash.  10/23/09m

Economics is
  like baseball— without rules and
umpires there’s no game.  10/23/09a

Family launches
  us into being but then
can obstruct being.  10/23/09b

On health kick— no more
  than half-stick of butter per
serving of popcorn.  10/23/09c

Religion is to
  Discordianism as
art to anti-art.  10/24/09

If not the hardest
  guy to meet be the hardest
guy to get rid of.  10/24/09a

If you don’t renew
  your domain name it can wreck
your search position.  10/24/09b

Comments shuffled, times
  out of order— whoever
changed Facebook, be gone!  10/24/09c

Women just come and
  go— mostly go— but bourbon
never disappoints.  10/25/09

Getting ready for
  Halloween party— pruning,
site for fire pit.  10/25/09a

Being able to
  afford heat would enhance my
success with women.  10/25/09b

Movie “September”—
  failed writer sweeps all the
women off their feet.  10/25/09c

Must retire our
  way out of the recession—
the jobs just aren’t there.  10/25/09d

In one sense nothing
  matters, in another sense
everything matters.  10/26/09

Way to make money
  online— get people to pay
you to tell them how.  10/26/09a

Is there a dollar
  left in existence? No one
that I know has one.  10/26/09b

Made my best pot of
  chili ever, ate four bowls
and got bellyache.  10/27/09

When I tire of
  fighting off women I hunt
new ones to fight off.  10/28/09

In late charge cycle—
  having to pay late charges,
causing more late bills.  10/29/09

The sweat lodge guru
  charges so much you have to
be rich to get rich.  10/29/09a

One good thing about
  being older— you really
weren’t born yesterday.  10/30/09

Was going to be
  Arthur but now Merlin— hope
no Viviens show :)  10/31/09

“The Public Eye.” Joe
  Pesci, Barbara Hershey. Noir,
gal leads to trouble.  10/31/09m

Halloween is when
  it’s perfectly okay to
give your peeps the creeps.  10/31/09a

Decorating for
  party— clearing real cobwebs
to put up fake ones.  10/31/09a

Movie "Nora." Wife
  of James Joyce. Finest film that
I’ve ever slept through.  11/1/09m

Mower wouldn’t start—
  okay this time though for fake
Halloween graveyard.  11/2/09

Party good, friend stayed
  to watch Manhattan and L.
A. Confidential.  11/2/09m

National Treasure
  3— secret button is pressed,
Atlantis rises.  11/2/09a

Still having to learn
  that not all women worship
the ground I walk on.  11/3/09

Church women can be
  fun, at least till religion
starts messing with them.  11/3/09a

If not Kentucky
  then Nevada, the state where
everything’s legal.  11/5/09

And Justice For All—
  love’s easier than law, not
to mention flying.  11/5/09m

We’ll probably have
  several Indian summers,
some lasting minutes.  11/5/09a

No blanket fires
  this winter— two electrics
but neither one works.  11/5/09b

Good pyramid scheme—
  for every good deed someone
does for you do two.  11/5/09c

There are times when the
  way to accomplish the most
is to do nothing.  11/5/09d

Should I invest in
  natural gas or whiskey for
heat? Can’t afford both.  11/5/09e

Far as I’m concerned
  winter could just last a week
and be long enough.  11/5/09f

Too much on drinking,
  women, and laughter? They’re the
keys to happiness.  11/5/09g

Feel grandiose all the
  time, not half, so thankfully
I'm not bipolar.  11/5/09h

Instead of wine and
  bread the sacrament would be
whiskey and peanuts.  11/6/09

Hundreds of women
  yet no keepers— wonder if
my standard’s too high.  11/6/09a

If on life’s journey
  you need some directions, try
unitheism.  11/6/09b

Want the woman who
  with just one free hour wants
to spend it with me.  11/6/09c

Love the expression
  a couple of drinks, it so
means getting wasted.  11/7/09

It may not be the
  mental patients but the staff
that needs locking up.  11/7/09a

Fat Man and Little
  Boy— okay-to-good movie
perfect for riffing.  11/7/09b

Studios are rooms
  in which, like Ivan Albright,
to constipate rooms.  11/8/09

Like my Christmases
  white and coffee black, women
soft and liquor hard.  11/9/09

Curious creatures
  ducks, goats, and rabbits— midway
between pets and meat.  11/9/09a

Popcorn at night, French
  toast the next morning fried in
buttery melt-pan.  11/9/09b

Can’t get married— not
  because I don’t want to, just
can’t afford the ring.  11/10/09

Figured why dating’s
  slow now— women can’t believe
I’m available.  11/10/09a

The Proud Possessors—
  Americans overseas
buying art treasures.  11/10/09x

Modern medicine
  rocks but whiskey still works else
I can't afford it.  11/10/09b

Perfect medicine,
  bourbon on rocks, and here’s the
secret— hold the ice.  11/11/09

True Sesame Street’s
  better but Howdy Doody
produced Warren Farr.  11/11/09a

Fargo. Have Eighty-
  Seven Ciera, but blue.
Paint tan for homage?  11/11/09m

Haiku— a lot said
  in seventeen syllables
yet an easy read.  11/12/09

Have a much higher
  opinion of myself than
most, but they’ll catch up.  11/12/09a

The problem is if
  I had a better mattress
I’d never get up.  11/13/09

No the glass is half
  full— we have northern summers
and southern winters.  11/17/09

Gods and Spacemen in
  the Ancient West— Fortean
beyond Fort, cool kook.  11/17/09x

Must get clay thimble
  and mortar with which to stitch
my flue’s racoon-rip.  11/18/09

Love the Twenties but
  glad I didn’t have to live
through Prohibition.  11/18/09a

Doing my part with
  recession, helping friends move
to cheaper bourbon.  11/18/09b

Cool when waters get
  really low, exposing bones
of ancient shipwrecks.  11/19/09

After Google search
  thinking unitheism
needs boost in ratings.  11/19/09a

Take this cup away,
  don’t want a new faith, though I
will take the women.  11/19/09b

For Martha Stewart
  then a night off means a chance
to clean her gravel.  11/19/09c

Tough to be jobless
  but also great, because of
the autonomy.  11/20/09

Holiday ads— you’d
  think we lived in mansions, with
huge fireplaces.  11/22/09

The powers of the
  so-called weaker sex lie in
other than muscles.  11/22/09a

Wondering where all
  the non-lesbian, playful
single women are.  11/23/09

Credit cards are for
  fools and poor people, trouble
is that’s most of us.  11/23/09a

With real estate,
  stocks, and currency shaky,
what’s safe these days? Art :)  11/24/09

Been putting off quest
  for clay thimble— rain today,
will miss heat come cold.  11/24/09a

Can’t have multiple
  personalities, there’d be
too much jealousy.  11/25/09

Witnesses woke me
  with their spiel, too sleepy to
unveil my pulpit.  11/25/09a

Hate the gift BS—
  “You shouldn't have.” You’re thinking,
“You’re right, shouldn’t have.”  11/25/09b

Excited about
  friends, music, and craziness
at party tonight.  11/28/09

Just two splashes at
  dinner then two at night and
still the jug’s empty.  11/30/09

Highest girl-to-
  guy ratio— Unitheist
Fellowship. Maybe.  11/30/09a

Enough Facebook friends
  when I ask someone and find
I already am.  12/1/09

If everyone quit
  having children there’d be no
more college football.  12/2/09

Sometimes can’t open
  other bottles, but whiskey
opens at first touch.  12/2/09a

I couldn’t get used
  to business or politics,
much less prison life.  12/3/09

There’s no such thing as
  luck with women, just different
levels of non-luck.  12/3/09a

Have thimble, now need
  two six-inch diameter
metal flue elbows.  12/7/09

Thimbles, mortar, flue
  pipes, foil tape, furnace fixed—
a warm house at last.  12/17/09

How do we face our
  mortality? We try not
to think about it.  12/21/09

Spent three hours on
  hair, won’t take three minutes to
burn the Christmas tree.  12/22/09

Flammables in stand,
  starter fluid on tinsel,
lights, and ornaments.  12/22/09a

Thought it was meant to
  be, she thought it wasn’t— in
twenty years we’ll laugh.  12/23/09

Christmas tree afire—
  tinsel melting, lights crackling,
ornaments bursting.  12/23/09a

Can’t appreciate
  the meaning of Christmas till
you’re lonely and broke.  12/23/09b

Happy Holidays!
  Blessed with health, heat, food, friends and
trust that you are too.  12/24/09

After a while you
  give up trying— well maybe
for thirty seconds.  12/24/09a

Enjoying a great
  love life, just wish it wasn’t
only on Facebook.  12/28/09

Having a party,
  never fear— friends old and new
to see the New Year.  12/31/09

Kentucky, the home
  of fine bourbon, fast horses
and long cave systems.  1/1/10

How narrow the fate
  between lonely despair and
perfect happiness.  1/2/10

I can be a slow
  learner, especially when
it comes to women.  1/3/10

Troubles continue
  aboard Twitter. Are Opera
browsers still okay?  1/4/10

Not an entity,
  entity itself— nor a
being, beingness.  1/5/10

Winter’s the season
  when a single person most
hates being single.  1/5/10a

Hope my snow-in love
  doesn't mind threesoming with
a jug of Heaven.  1/5/10b

Love, while worthwhile, is
  not without risk, confidence
and self-worth at stake.  1/6/10

Jug, lover, spirits
  on seesaw— one disappears,
the other appears.  1/7/10

Never had kids ’cause
  didn’t want to have to lie
about Santa Claus.  1/7/10a

Therapist women
  should date me even though I’m
messed up, that’s their job.  1/7/10b

Love is a many-
  spendered thing— well hope not ’cause
things are tight right now.  1/7/10c

If we have to have
  global warming wish it was
during the winter.  1/7/10d

Good weekend to stay
  in with that special someone,
whoever she is.  1/8/10

Don’t rush to ask her
  out but don’t dally either,
you’ll end up buddies.  1/9/10

Time to start thinking
  about installing stripper
pole, still need fittings.  1/10/10

Women are always
  meeting these “wonderful men.”
Glad I’m wonderful.  1/11/10

Know times are tough when
  people give up vices ’cause
they can’t afford them.  1/11/10a

Tone up enough to
  attract but not so much that
people think you’re gay.  1/13/10

Ironic that things
  that keep well, like whiskey, are
the hardest to keep.  1/15/10

Different levels of
  cultiness are shown by all
organizations.  1/17/10

The unknown’s not by
  virtue of mystery more
divine than the known.  1/18/10

Birthday should have been
  happy, with all the greetings,
but glad this one’s done.  1/21/10

Nice having your own
  religion— if you don’t like
something, just change it.  1/26/10

Aren’t there times when you’d
  prefer face-to-face and just
be done with Facebook?  1/27/10

A hundred million
  women right for me— wish I
could meet one of them.  1/28/10

Life’s like a hard-to-
  start mower, always thinking
the next pull’s the one.  1/29/10

Kettles whistling, hot
  water bottles filled, blankets
steaming, lovers warm.  1/30/10

Young guys are lucky,
  the rest can only dream of
what they cast away.  1/31/10

What scares people the
  most about me, my birdcage
or my religion?  1/31/10a

The busy excuse
  doesn’t truck— if they want to
see you they’ll find time.  2/1/10

Hate Doppelgänger
  weeks— like seeing people the
way they really are.  2/1/10a

Talking to any
  fundy makes you glad that you
don’t know everything.  2/2/10

Actually funny
  to stumble out of bed and
trip over your shoes.  2/3/10

TEA parties should be
  SLOW parties, Spend Less Or Weep—
slow dance tunes, service.  2/4/10

Alcoholism—
  seems strange that the medicine
can be the disease.  2/6/10

“DRY cleaning. Was I
  crazy to be thinking it?
Was he a huckster...?”  2/7/10

It’s really a good
  sign when women start wishing
you were more normal.  2/8/10

Watch the movie “This
  is Spinal Tap” drunk and you’ll
die laughing. Really.  2/8/10a

“I’ve been carrying
  on with a married woman.
No one you know, Ed...”  2/8/10b

If drunk enough to
  weigh yourself you’re drunk enough
to handle the shock.  2/9/10

Would do meetings but
  need songs, sacraments, and one
or two congregants.  2/10/10

“Lived in a little
  bungalow on Napa Street.
The place was okay...”  2/10/10a

Wish women could quit
  feeding their play zoos and cook
something real for me :)  2/11/10

Camping memories—
  rainy weekends, musty tarps,
smoky campfires.  2/12/10

Turkey Run weekends—
  rain starts as we pitch the tent,
ends as it’s folded.  2/12/10a

Sixties outing— Mom’s
  superstition, Bob’s straw hat;
tents, hammocks awash.  2/12/10b

Overflow campground,
  pit toilets— sister moaning,
“Stink hole-in-the-ground.”  2/12/10c

The older you get
  the nearer the grave and urge
to try speed dating.  2/13/10

The cosmos is so
  vast that it’s hard to conceive
a God big enough.  2/13/10a

Don’t think all you have
  to do is be yourself to
avoid rejection.  2/15/10

Party was okay
  but the drinking fantastic,
at least on my end.  2/21/10

Can’t afford a new
  outdoor storage shed so plan
on using my car.  2/22/10

Women like to dance,
  play, talk philosophy till
dawn— gotta think it.  2/24/10

No money for frames
  so making temporaries
out of screen molding.  2/25/10

The world will end
  if and when scientists say
astrology works.  2/25/10a

Question now’s not “Are
  you on Facebook?” but “What’s your
addy on Facebook?”  2/26/10

There’s a way to chase
  dreams without tripping over
kowtowing lovers.  3/1/10

Affordable health
  insurance— aspirin and
a jug of whiskey.  3/2/10

How does anyone
  marry? Who can compete with
fantasy lovers?  3/3/10

Worked five days on three
  frames and not one is done— no
wonder they’re so high.  3/5/10

On lookout for the
  five ‘L’s— lithe, lively, lovely,
loving, and local.  3/7/10

Saw the groundhog out
  the kitchen window today,
still cute as ever.  3/9/10

American Greed,
  spaghetti, bourbon, wishing
I had a playmate.  3/11/10

Asked married gal, “You
  know any single women?”
“Just single men.” “Crap.”  3/12/10

Role of choice would be
  playboy but since I’m here, in
a relationship :)  3/12/10a

Great doing a new
  world faith, but passing on
the continence scene.  3/13/10

Instead of holding
  a grudge rather pity their
inadequacies.  3/16/10

“Oh yeah, there was one
  other thing. Doris kept the
books at Nirdlingers...”  3/16/10a

Ready to party
  tomorrow night, but will rain
snuff the fire pit?  3/19/10a

As art is mystic
  so is mysticism the
highest art of faith.  3/22/10

Value your friends like
  family— kin should love you
but your friends chose to.  3/25/10

Enjoy friends while you
  can— election day they’re off
to California.  3/28/10

What’s needed more than
  love this time of year is a
mower that will start.  3/30/10

Seeing three women
  at once. Glad they get along,
both in bed and out.  4/1/10

Frustrating— why is
  it that all the women I
like live out of state?  4/2/10

Benefits of love—
  soulmate, someone to cuddle
and play with, drink less.  4/3/10

Popularity
  and drama don’t mix, so try
to be fun instead.  4/4/10

Pulling-arm not out
  of socket yet but mower
not started either.  4/4/10a

Vanilla can be
  improved— flavorings, toppings,
gentle persuasion.  4/5/10

Don’t want to get so
  good looking that women won’t
trust me to stay on.  4/7/10

Big mower day on
  tap— not much on praying, but
sure hope it will start.  4/8/10

I should start the car,
  roam the country, and meet strange,
wonderful women.  4/10/10

Typical Facebook
  ad— nubile, local women,
wanting only you.  4/11/10

A faith’s resilience
  depends more on meeting needs
than veracity.  4/12/10

Whiskey has an edge
  over coffee— doesn’t have
to be reheated.  4/13/10

Saw Seinfeld play on
  “Midnight Cowboy,” decided
to re-watch movie.  4/14/10

By the time the house
  is winterized it’s time to
start summerizing.  4/15/10

Progress today with
  mower— it will now rev up,
though dies right away.  4/16/10

No mower repair
  efforts today— watched movie
“Knowing” with VMax.  4/17/10

Two friends visited
  tonight— glad neither one of
them had seen “Zelig.”  4/18/10

Just trying to start
  a mower won’t bluff the grass
into growing less.  4/20/10

This Earth Day struggled
  to get a dirty, noisy
lawnmower running.  4/22/10

The ads still say, “It’s
  not too late to vaccinate,”
but it is— I checked.  4/26/10

Talk less, listen more—
  you’ll be smarter, sought out, and
appreciated.  4/27/10

Hard to be famous,
  harder to be infamous—
thus false confessions.  4/28/10

Should we really be
  using banks that have Fox News
on in their lobbies?  4/29/10

Fronts have been flat for
  years— in hindsight should have put
my car up on blocks.  4/30/10

Favorite aromas—
  wildflowers, candles, incense,
freshly-poured bourbon.  5/2/10

Seems soon as you meet
  someone halfway interesting
and fun— poof, they’re gone.  5/3/10

When on Dr. Phil’s
  promo he says, “I’m so sick
of drama,” I laugh.  5/4/10

Think that if painting
  had attracted women my
work would be less scarce.  5/6/10

Time is not a friend—
  we all learn that sooner or
later, most later.  5/7/10

Why obsess over
  clothes? If it’s not missing a
button I’m happy.  5/10/10

Slow cursers getting
  more frequent— should I go back
to a typewriter?  5/12/10

Does God the Father
  trump Mother Nature? So much
for honey-do lists.  5/13/10

Cool how all the top
  hospitals are located
in this area.  5/13/10a

At last a mower
  perfect for my yard, just needs
a carburetor.  5/15/10

Faith can contradict
  reason, but doesn’t have to—
that’s the tragedy.  5/18/10

Finally found the best
  mower repairman, but he’s
in the hospital.  5/19/10

Lots of women are
  masochists— look how many
play those Facebook games.  5/19/10a

We can go to the
  moon but can’t make a mower
that lasts two seasons.  5/21/10

Seniors, one per slot,
  social security checks
evaporating.  5/22/10

Jesus was the most
  famous person and didn’t
play guitar— there’s hope.  5/23/10

Surely Franklin wrote
  in moveable type as I
in HTML.  5/24/10

Meeting too many
  women who yak but not play—
want the opposite.  5/24/10a

If I only knew
  how to be bad I think my
calls would get returned.  5/25/10

If someone says, “We’re
  not couple material”
might as well move on.  5/26/10

Pass on women who
  yak and not play or you’ll end
up deaf and lonely.  5/26/10a

In a day or two
  the bourbon will be gone but
the yard will be mowed.  5/26/10b

Don’t save your best wine
  forever, you never know
what day will be last.  5/27/10

Is there anything
  in this town for single guys?
Starting to wonder.  5/28/10

Wouldn’t think Jesus
  would want to be worshipped as
God— be above that.  5/31/10

Satellite with ads
  is just antenna TV
and should be free too.  5/31/10a

Spent weekend hunting
  women but just found other
guys also looking.  5/31/10b

It is possible
  to experience dying,
but not death itself.  6/2/10

Unitheism—
  a faith for the faithless, a
God for the godless.  6/4/10

An omnipotent
  God allows hell? No wonder
people take to drink.  6/5/10

Seems funny greeting
  cards are getting less funny
and more expensive.  6/6/10

Noticed more guys to
  chat, fewer local women,
so now I chat less.  6/7/10

If you have faith and
  they don’t, you’re confident they
will eventually.  6/7/10a

Fork versus chopsticks—
  it’s about shoveling it
in, not tweezing twigs.  6/8/10

When you’re a single
  guy about the worst words you
can hear are, “We’ll see.”  6/9/10

Need both types, people
  who can keep secrets and those
who will spread the news.  6/11/10

When broke it’s not so
  much a drinking problem as
a problem drinking.  6/12/10

Finally getting
  mower, but so anxious to
start I’ll get heat stroke.  6/13/10

Wanted a woman,
  settled for a bender and
MST3K.  6/14/10

Tried to watch World
  Cup but sounded like I’d mowed
over a beehive.  6/14/10a

If I hear the words
  lawn or mower one more time
think that’s it for me.  6/16/10

Once you caulk a house
  you can sure tell who or what
has ever lived there.  6/21/10

If you think people
  are too stubborn it might be
you’re too controlling.  6/22/10

It takes longer to
  open it than it took the
Chinese to make it.  6/23/10

Which planet is my
  favorite? Earth, evidenced by
which one I’m on most.  6/30/10

Learn to live on what
  you have, not sell your soul for
what you think you need.  7/3/10

If we can put a
  man on the moon, why can’t we...
(insert anything).  7/4/10

Each time we wake we’ve
  won the lottery— a new
day to live and love.  7/5/10

On a plane or train
  love can begin, on a bus
just vanishing acts.  7/6/10

Lack the funds to bring
  in a woman from Russia—
might could from Mayfield.  7/7/10

What makes us human
  is our willingness to help
our weakest survive.  7/8/10

Most movies you don’t
  care to watch again, others
you like more each time.  7/9/10

Bad religion is
  worse than no religion, which
leaves the door open.  7/10/10

Summer bonuses—
  it’s easier to make the
bed, dress, and undress.  7/14/10

Do we own our stuff
  or does it own us? Traveling
light has its virtues.  7/15/10

There are too many
  comedians, which is good—
we all need more laughs.  7/16/10

If you’re starting to
  outlive your doctors you should
charge them for visits.  7/16/10a

Need alcohol for
  shopping trips, except for trips
to buy alcohol.  7/16/10b

Even atheists
  have affirmations— in that
sense we all have faith.  7/18/10

Wasn’t the Great Flood
  God doing a Susan Smith
on the whole world?  7/20/10

The challenge for men
  is to find love, for women
it’s to avoid it.  7/21/10

Would accept her as
  she is and would expect her
to do same for me.  7/21/10a

Since Mars once had an
  ocean should we allow or
prohibit drilling?  7/22/10

If you can change the
  life of even one person
your life has meaning.  7/27/10

Fun drunk adventure—
  find a nonworking toilet
to use anyway.  7/30/10

Just ’cause you have more
  followers than followees
doesn’t posit cult.  8/1/10

Channel Three, weather
  on the threes; Channel Six, the
sixes; Twelve, the twelves?  8/3/10

If you can find a
  hundred-year-old doctor call
for an appointment.  8/4/10

Easier to let
  a belly out ten inches
than take it in one.  8/5/10

A belly can mess
  with your health but can also
filter shallow mates.  8/5/10a

Be kind to those on
  your way up in case you need
them to break your fall.  8/6/10

We think of poets
  as poor, songwriters as rich—
poets should hum more.  8/9/10

Some guys don’t need a
  hat or magic wand to make
women disappear.  8/11/10

Funny so many
  TV ads for fast food and
diabetes kits.  8/12/10

I am a morning
  person, at least until 5:00
AM rolls around.  8/17/10

Need to take a break
  from all the women— at least
an hour or two.  8/19/10

All-you-can-eat at
  casinos, that way you’re too
fat to leave your slot.  8/20/10

Being sex object
  sounds okay, especially
with other talents.  8/22/10

At Fingerhut you
  can buy sneakers on time— will
they last the payments?  8/23/10

Read the fine print on
  satellite offers, there are
surprises in store.  8/24/10

Haven’t decided
  who to marry yet, Koran
says no more than four.  8/25/10

Find the lover that
  talks the least and says the most,
not the opposite.  8/26/10

Any god that can
  be murdered should be, being
unworthy of name.  8/28/10

Whoever in house
  pays the utilities is
always grumpiest.  8/30/10

Easy money loans
  can be hard, refinancing
each payday a must.  8/30/10a

If drinkers outlive
  nondrinkers at least beer and
wine should be taxed less.  8/31/10

So worried over
  others that we realize
little of ourselves.  9/1/10

A friend’s funny wine
  story— began a cellar,
winter came, all gone.  9/1/10a

Just six golf-ball-sized
  tomatoes, not much for two
bucks worth of starters.  9/2/10

Wonder why modern
  pirates lack the attraction
of pirates of old.  9/3/10

If you don't know what
  to do with the answer, what
matter you have it?  9/3/10a

Just ’cause scripture has
  some truth doesn’t mean it’s not
so First Century.  9/4/10

Labor Day of love—
  three women in eight hours.
Still recovering.  9/8/10

Just because it’s a
  civil right doesn’t mean it’s
always right to do.  9/10/10

Might turn house into
  a hippie pad— not messing
with the dungeon though.  9/11/10

Gotta remember
  not to dust so have webs for
Halloween Party.  9/12/10

Nights I fall asleep
  to sounds of a distant train
and thoughts of soulmates.  9/13/10

Drinking doesn’t make
  you fat, it makes you lean... on
tables, chairs, strangers.  9/14/10

The ancient Romans
  didn’t have Facebook but had
Forum. Lots of chat!  9/15/10

Penny auctions— like
  penny stocks, or penny slots
at the casino.  9/16/10

There are two kinds of
  football— one is Colts, other
is everything else.  9/19/10

Fourth Kind movie is
  a hoax— fifth kind, making love
to an alien.  9/20/10

Being approached as
  God is God, God approached as
Being is Being.  9/21/10

Why must we mess up
  in order to realize
that we had it good?  9/21/10a

I so want to saw
  a woman in half but am
too out of practice.  9/22/10

I used to be a
  conservative, makes me a
better liberal.  9/23/10

Perfecting bedroom
  techniques, finally ready for
a real partner.  9/24/10

All you need believe
  in is love, and the goodness
of the gift of life.  9/24/10a

Doesn’t matter how
  slow you go as long as you
don’t stop or back up.  9/26/10

If computer chips
  are getting faster why are
computers slower?  9/27/10

Troubles in life can’t
  be avoided, misery
though is optional.  9/28/10

They try hanging the
  defendant, end up only
hanging the jury.  9/29/10

Winter bringing its
  chance of self-cremation by
electric blanket.  9/30/10

Quitting smoking is
  easy, some people have done
it a thousand times.  9/30/10a

For an adventure
  explore the back of the least-
used shelf in the fridge.  10/03/10

Painting’s great but there’s
  not enough action, I’m not
an action painter.  10/04/10

When you create an
  image it’s wondrous, something
never seen before.  10/05/10

My dating standards
  have been high all my life and
are still medium.  10/07/10

Have too much stuff, need
  to reverse shop— take it to
stores and sell to them.  10/08/10

Don’t close your Facebook
  account, all to wonder, a
friend short, who they miffed.  10/09/10

We've all an equal
  right to be heard but with ad
money you’re louder.  10/10/10

Politicians do
  lie sometimes but that doesn’t
mean you shouldn’t vote.  10/12/10

My parties look cool
  till you find that they’re all straight
guys and lesbians.  10/13/10

Strive to be at least
  as entertaining as you
are enlightening.  10/14/10

Victorian dress,
  tightly corseted, hands tied
in back with ribbon.  10/16/10

You can completely
  change your destiny by first
just changing your mind.  10/17/10

Greater wonders in
  the natural than any
supernatural.  10/18/10

Shopping alone is
  a breeze, just in and out— with
someone, a nightmare.  10/19/10

This artist’s challenge—
  attracting women I want,
repelling the rest.  10/21/10

Best way to seal a
  friendship is by finding where
they stash their liquor.  10/23/10

Seduction’s about
  enticing to do what they
already want to.  10/24/10

Happiness is not
  getting what you want rather
liking what you have.  10/25/10

Sold car for money
  to survive so good to go
for a couple weeks.  10/27/10

Wonderful if you
  can keep your phone turned off, not
needing anyone.  10/29/10

Don’t even have to
  agree to disagree, just
that you both seek truth.  11/3/10

Should wear disguise— too
  easy to get recognized
and mobbed by my fans.  11/4/10

Hoping that the worst
  is not over and that I
never get sober.  11/5/10

Night people tend to
  live exciting lives, morning
types tend to live lives.  11/6/10

Illusion rather
  than ignorance is the real
obstacle to truth.  11/6/10a

Love will enable
  me to drink less, unless she’s
an alcoholic.  11/7/10

Paducah should be
  as hip as Louisville, just
on a smaller scale.  11/8/10

Women forcing down
  my door— are they trying to
get in or get out?  11/9/10

Tight ’cause there’s no wad
  but even if there was would
I be a loose wad?  11/9/10

Everyone’s against
  pork barrel spending except
when it’s on their plate.  11/10/10

Too many great works
  read by a few, remaindered
and then forgotten.  11/14/10

Way to feel safe is
  to be a poor guy having
nothing worth taking.  11/15/10

Her ex’s said she
  was evil as did her kids
so she was okay.  11/15/10a

Paintings don’t turn out
  the same as when they’re bouncing
around in your head.  11/17/10

Challenge yourself with
  some highbrow stuff, not just true
crime and whodunits.  11/17/10a

Wish I was offline—
  porch lonely yet I feed words
to a monitor.  11/18/10

God must exist and
  not exist, being defined
as beyond being.  11/18/10a

Imperfection is
  life, the only perfection
is nonexistence.  11/19/10

Need a computer
  fast enough to at least keep
up with my typing.  11/21/10

Years ago you got
  fondled at the bus station,
now it’s the airport.  11/22/10

Can’t reject life and
  consciousness unless you have
life and consciousness.  11/23/10

I don’t expect all
  to like me but anyone
with half a brain to.  11/24/10

Kettles whistling, hot
  water bottles, electric
blankets crackling.  11/26/10

When shopping prefer
  thrift stores, yard sales, Freecycle—
best of all, dumpsters.  11/27/10

This just may be the
  year I take my Christmas tree
out back and burn it.  11/28/10

Might say don’t have space
  for it but if they really
want it space appears.  11/29/10

Water taxed, sales
  tax on toilet paper— you’re
taxed for every dump.  11/30/10

When conservative
  thought liberals had all the
fun, now vice versa.  12/1/10

Getting tired of
  fighting off women, ready
to find one I like.  12/2/10

“He’s an idiot,”
  she said. “No he’s not. He has
four wives, I have none.”  12/3/10

Wonder if somehow
  Peyton Manning is turning
into Tiger Woods.  12/6/10

They said a warmer
  winter, not cold as a Bose-
Einstein condensate.  12/8/10

Privacy settings—
  don’t need privacy, the more
women the better.  12/9/10

Yes she has a past,
  doesn’t everyone over
the age of twenty?  12/11/10

No one really needs
  a mentor, my best drinking
has been done alone.  12/13/10

In afterlife most
  would want to meet Jesus first
but I’d pick Mark Twain.  12/14/10

Plates from China were
  called china so why isn’t
everything called that?  12/15/10

Christmas tree looking
  bent, guess too many girls
have been tied to it.  12/16/10

Don’t think I’ve been in
  a relationship, not sure
what that even is.  12/17/10

Know lots of women
  but can’t seem to get the hang
of this soulmate thing.  12/17/10a

You don’t have to be
  orthodox to do Christmas,
it’s quite secular.  12/18/10

Not a slam bam guy—
  let’s connect spiritually
first then we can talk.  12/19/10

She can call me God
  but if her head’s not on my
shoulder no matter.  12/20/10

“Doris liked the work,
  accounting— she liked knowing
where everything stood.”  12/20/10a

Finally figured
  it out, I need to relive
my early teen years.  12/21/10

Called them beautiful,
  didn’t get me anywhere
even when they were.  12/22/10

Divine expression
  is love, the extropic face
of the universe.  12/23/10

Poetic, quiet,
  natural, strange, brilliant—
ideal woman.  12/25/10

You can try to be
  honest but if they don’t want
to hear it they won’t.  12/27/10

A myth of love may
  not be true yet believing
make for better love.  12/29/10

My needs are simple—
  woman to have a drink with
then tie to the bed.  12/30/10

Like the Mormons I
  wear sacred underwear but
mine are more “holey.”  1/4/11

Now that Hugh Hefner
  is getting married maybe
it will be me next.  1/5/11

It’s not so much how
  good the fire pit looks as
the fire itself.  1/6/11

Cars, televisions,
  and computers change but red
grapefruit never does.  1/7/11

Sometimes I think I’m
  dying, forgetting I’m in
bed trying to sleep.  1/9/11

Have had successive
  epiphanies, everything’s
falling into place.  1/10/11

Being poor is free
  insurance against getting
stuck with a spendthrift.  1/11/11

Wanting parties to
  just grow naturally here, like
mushrooms in the shade.  1/13/11

Never anger friends
  such that if they split it’s for
reason not excuse.  1/15/11

I’m getting older,
  wiser, richer, funnier,
and better-looking.  1/16/11

I might disappoint
  but will never betray you—
my friends are for life.  1/17/11

Bright side to lonely
  is that you’re the last to catch
what’s going around.  1/18/11

Some brave death on their
  motorcycles, I do it
with relationships.  1/19/11

My long johns are mere
  bits and pieces, nonbeing
or negative space.  1/20/11

Another year checked
  and still haven’t begun to
catch up with ol’ Heff.  1/21/11

Who’s gonna be the
  lucky one? Checking list of
top single women.  1/23/11

Obama will be
  so successful that he’ll be
honored with a coin.  1/25/11

Despite what they think
  of you no one can abridge
your right to like them.  1/27/11

The success of a
  faith depends more on needs met
than veracity.  1/28/11

Flexibility
  evidences intellect
acknowledging change.  1/30/11

Want like-minded but
  freak compatibility
can be elusive.  1/31/11

Some think that going
  with the flow means restroom stops
only when needed.  2/2/11

If faiths strove for truth
  not just what they thought was truth
they would become one.  2/3/11

Philosophy groups
  work till someone joins convinced
he knows everything.  2/4/11

Rather than despair
  of temporality love
the things that do last.  2/5/11

World’s so big there’s
  always trouble somewhere, hope
it doesn’t explode.  2/7/11

Even reading the
  fine print gives little clue as
to your monthly bill.  2/9/11

“Yes from a woman
  means maybe,” he said. “No it
means probably not.”  2/10/11

Libraries can be
  sexy places if you love
books— or if you don’t.  2/13/11

It need not be truth
  provided it inspires
thought that leads to truth.  2/18/11

There’s nothing to fear,
  just reverse-transcend from the
super to natural.  2/24/11

Fear created the
  gods and the gods repaid it
with hells to die for.  3/6/11

The divine nature
  manifests law, life, and love—
beingness itself.  3/7/11

I haven’t gone to
  any mountaintops, it’s just
me plain and complex.  3/13/11

Television is
  humiliating enough—
at least off-air’s free.  3/19/11

When watching old films
  of Hitler swear I detect
a Texas accent.  3/21/11

After IMAX why
  regular movies right, so
why ice in whiskey?  3/30/11

In print shop we set
  type by hand, in wood shop learned
to carve buggy wheels.  4/4/11

Religious wars are
  more than tragedy, faiths at
heart share common truth.  4/11/11

Kodachrome bright and
  lasting— fathers, sons, grandsons—
forever no more.  4/22/11

Dreams are novels the
  mind writes and adapts for the
screen, self in lead roles.  4/24/11

To CVS for
  medications— Burgundy,
vodka, and bourbon.  4/29/11

Do we remember
  kings or artists? Who ruled when
Leonardo lived?  5/2/11

Sex can hardly be
  an addiction, too much and
you just fall asleep.  5/5/11

Mowing the grass is
  a lot like shaving but on
a much bigger scale.  5/6/11

Beingness must be
  inherent or nothing would
be. God is being.  5/11/11

Tired of hot/cold—
  not the weather, the single
women around here.  5/13/11

Computers can do
  millions of comps a second—
why are they so slow?  5/14/11

One of the joys of
  being an eccentric is
laughing at yourself.  5/15/11

What an irony,
  faith is so simple that it’s
hard to comprehend.  5/24/11

While Rhett Butler seemed
  smart he could not have been an
astrophysicist.  5/27/11

To stay cool we burn
  mountains of coal, heating the
earth so we’ll need more.  6/1/11

Twitter seems worthless—
  follow just to get followed,
now won’t even load.  6/2/11

I don’t squat in the
  middle of streets, why do folks
park over sidewalks?  6/7/11

I’ve always wished that
  I was a real man— darn
those counterfeiters.  6/8/11

Ancestors on the
  Mayflower? These days Native
American rules.  6/15/11

A painter musn’t
  forget which one is spirits
and which alcohol.  6/17/11

Wikipedia’s
  like your own religion— you
disagree, change it.  6/23/11

Intellectuals
  are about what inspires,
not how much they know.  7/4/11

Shuttle flights, Harry
  Potter, bipartisanship—
what next, the world?  7/8/11

Less Fox News viewing
  because of the News of the
World scandal? Cool.  7/10/11

Work smart not hard— not
  always worked yet enough for
me that I chose smart.  7/19/11

Getting drunk calls can
  be fun but make you wonder
why you’re not also.  7/23/11

Anger management
  is about expressing it
in just the right way.  7/26/11

A cheap bourbon can
  start out harsh but gets better
with every refill.  7/27/11

If Old Testament
  prophets were here now they’d be
having a field day.  7/30/11

On retro stations
  we relive our childhoods and
source code our hang-ups.  8/16/11

If there’s an evil
  force it’s not a devil but
entropy rather.  8/18/11

Meeting women is
  easy, finding one to love
incredibly hard.  8/19/11

Handymen with the
  right tools do in minutes what
takes others hours.  8/20/11

If you’re unhappy
  focus on making others
happy then you’ll be.  8/25/11

Can’t copyright faith
  symbols anymore than you
can copyright God.  8/29/11

Don’t say, “I’ll do it
  if something doesn’t come up—”
something always does.  9/6/11

It’s okay to pull
  people’s legs as long as you
don’t pull on their hearts.  9/7/11

Who’d be unhappy
  over another’s joy if
they really liked them.  9/9/11

Decide to enjoy
  every day and all who wish
otherwise will fail.  9/10/11

My dates tend to be
  smart, fun, and optimistic—
see, likes do attract.  9/16/11

With an outdated
  computer just publishing
a tweet can be slow.  9/17/11

No more than one muse
  in studio at a time
or can’t get work done.  9/19/11

Language is hard— if
  someone offends, it might just
be a misconstrue.  9/22/11

If no one speaks ill
  of you you’re probably not
changing the world.  10/2/11

Hard part of doing
  art is deciding which of
your muses to call.  10/4/11

In time everything
  will be forgiven, nothing
will be forgotten.  10/5/11

VMax, baby-back
  ribs, injected marinade,
slow-baked for hours.  10/5/11a

Power of having
  your own website— no changes
unless you make them.  10/6/11

Cryptonatural is
  unexplained natural, what some
call supernatural.  10/7/11

Wish I could love all
  women, but for bad or good
there must be limits.  10/7/11a

Law, mystery of
  being; Life, creation; and
Love, conscious good works.  10/10/11

Can’t believe I’m still
  single, but all it takes is
determination.  10/11/11

By the fire pit
  with friends— sipping Old Barton,
sharing famous poems.  10/12/11

Being gay is fine
  but content that I’m not, since
women are awesome.  10/13/11

New cougar dating
  fad is great, means I can find
more younger women.  10/18/11

More of creation
  lies in the future than past,
much less distant past.  10/21/11

Some atheists must
  have the most faith, confidence
to go it alone.  10/22/11

Divine providence
  must work through nature, we can’t
wait on miracles.  10/23/11

Crazation nation—
  gyrating, out of control,
missing beats, full on.  10/25/11

Countless adventures
  throughout the night— more happens
dreaming than awake.  10/28/11

Looking forward to
  preaching days, course it’ll be
my kind of preaching.  11/1/11

Oneness with being
  is more about empathy
than the universe.  11/2/11

We should know how to
  self-love and share love, so when
given it’s freely.  11/3/11

Spammers steal your
  time, so should have to pay you
or go to jail.  11/5/11

We can’t become one
  with the universe but we
can connect with it.  11/7/11

Infatuations
  have been many, but lovers
just art and whiskey.  11/9/11

Women seem easy
  to meet and like, so why aren’t
there any soulmates?  11/11/11

Not into other
  people’s drama, don’t find the
lifestyle appealing.  11/13/11

Got food, heat, and a
  splash of bourbon, a pretty
good start to winter.  11/19/11

Tell them what they want
  to hear but be true in all
else, so they’ll believe.  11/22/11

Liver tastes good with
  bourbon, though usually those
two don’t get along.  11/28/11

Can’t think of a worse
  nightmare for a hoarder than
having to downsize.  12/1/11

Card activation’s
  a pain anymore, all those
intrusive questions.  12/3/11

So many super
  women out there I’m hereby
raising my standards.  12/4/11

One of the biggest
  work-at-home fields is running
work-at-home swindles.  12/7/11

Lucky I am that so
  many great single women
are among my friends.  12/8/11

When a woman says
  busy she’s past tense, unless
she’s busy with me.  12/9/11